This winter, my partner and I decided to take a bold step: we chose not to enroll our children—ages 3, 5, and 8—in organized sports. You might gasp! Having both enjoyed sports in our youth—my partner spending countless hours at hockey rinks and me relishing basketball—we’re not against athletics per se. However, we noticed a significant shift in how sports are approached today.
In recent discussions with former coaches and through my clinical practice, it’s become clear that sports have morphed into a specialized activity for older children, while for the younger ones, it often adds an overwhelming layer of stress. Families are spending countless hours transporting kids to various venues instead of simply enjoying each other’s company. While sports like hockey and basketball offer numerous benefits, the growing evidence suggests that excessive activities and insufficient downtime can be detrimental to children’s well-being.
Today’s environment differs greatly from our own childhoods. Both my partner and I juggle demanding careers, and the overall stress levels are high. This trend is not unique to us; research consistently indicates that children raised in high-pressure settings are more likely to experience mental health challenges and struggle with coping skills in the long run.
In response to these concerns, researchers and clinicians from Stanford University established a program called Challenge Success. This initiative promotes the importance of family time and downtime, equipping parents with tools to manage the pressures of modern life. Co-founder Denise Pope, along with her work in Overloaded and Underprepared: Strategies for Stronger Schools and Healthy, Successful Kids, emphasizes the need to protect “PDF”—playtime, downtime, and family time. Today’s kids have significantly less free time than we did, and ideally, young children should enjoy as much unstructured play as they do organized activities.
Initially, as registration deadlines for sports passed and our weekends opened up, I experienced a bit of anxiety. I worried about whether we were doing the right thing: “Our kids are so active; don’t they need sports?” Yet, contrary to my fears, we found ourselves feeling a sense of peace. Instead of rushing to a basketball game on Friday nights, we enjoyed leisurely evenings at home, playing foosball and cozying up by the fire. Our weekends turned into opportunities for relaxation, including a spontaneous mini-ski trip—a refreshing change of pace.
As I write this from our hotel room, with the sounds of my partner snoring and little feet bustling around, I appreciate the freedom we’ve gained. We can sleep in, swim, and ski without the pressure of scheduled activities. That said, we recognize the intrinsic value of sports. However, we believe it’s crucial to remain vigilant about our priorities regarding free time and to continuously assess the costs and benefits of adding activities. Just because everyone else is enrolling in a certain sport doesn’t warrant participation. While spring soccer and lacrosse are still on my to-do list, this winter has been a pivotal moment in prioritizing downtime for our family.
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In summary, our decision to forego organized sports allows our children the essential downtime they need for healthy development. We find balance in our lives that fosters both family relationships and personal well-being, reinforcing the importance of play, relaxation, and togetherness amidst a chaotic world.