A few weeks back, my in-laws offered to take our toddler for a night, allowing my partner and me to celebrate our anniversary. The next day, we made our way to my parents’ house to say goodbye to my two younger siblings—one heading off to law school in Oregon, and the other off to spend a year in Australia. We capped off the weekend with a family gathering at my in-laws, resulting in a whirlwind of activity.
By the time Sunday night arrived, our little one was utterly worn out. A night spent with the grandparents and no naps can really take its toll on a 2-year-old. You might assume that such an exhausted toddler would sleep soundly, but if you’ve been in the parenting game, you know that when a child is overtired, rest becomes elusive. Rather than peacefully drifting off, he was filled with a surge of toddler energy. By the time he finally surrendered to sleep, we were equally drained, clinging to the hope of a later wake-up call the following morning. But we were mistaken.
Stage 1: Denial
As you drift into a deep sleep, you are blissfully unaware of the chaos about to unfold. Suddenly, a faint cry disrupts your peace, pulling you from your slumber. As the wails grow louder, confusion sets in—what time is it? Could he really be awake? You shut your eyes tightly, hoping that the sounds from the toddler’s room will cease. Surely, it must be a bad dream. He’ll settle down soon, right?
But instead, the cries escalate, and now he’s calling for you. Your partner stirs and asks, “Is that him?” You resist the urge to respond, hoping he’ll go handle it so you can sneak in a few more minutes of rest. You bury your face deeper into your pillow, secretly thinking, “I chose the right partner.”
Stage 2: Anger
Nestled under the covers, you attempt to drift back to sleep, but the escalating conversation between father and son is impossible to ignore. “What’s wrong?” “Mommy!” “Do you want me to sing to you?” “No, Mommy!” With each exchange, your frustration builds. All day long, your child clamors for his dad, yet the moment you crave some sleep, he suddenly wants you. Ugh!
Your partner returns to the bedroom, saying, “He wants you.” You let your irritation show, throwing the comforter off with exaggerated sighs, thinking, “Seriously?”
Stage 3: Bargaining
You reluctantly rise from bed and shuffle into your toddler’s room, where you find him standing in his crib. At least he’s contained; he’ll be in that crib until high school! He points to the chair next to his crib and demands, “Song!” Thus begins the bargaining process. “Alright, just one song, then it’s back to sleep.” You croak out the ABCs, wondering what about your raspy, midnight voice intrigues him.
Just as you think you’re done, he interrupts with a “Water!” Before you know it, you’re stuck in an endless loop of drinks, hugs, and songs, trying to coax him back to sleep.
Stage 4: Depression
In that moment, despair washes over you. Will you ever sleep again? You slump into the chair by his crib, resting your head on the railing, tears welling up. You glance at your toddler, who seems to have entered a realm of pure joy—laughing and bouncing without a care. Meanwhile, you mourn the precious nighttime hours slipping away. Counting the tears, you find yourself wishing for a moment of peace.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Finally wiping your tears, you scoop your toddler up out of his crib. He snuggles his adorable head on your shoulder as you carry him back to your room. You place him in your bed, saying, “You can stay here for the rest of the night, but you must sleep nicely.” You chuckle at the absurdity of that phrase. What does “sleep nicely” even mean? As you settle in next to him, you think that maybe, just for tonight, this closeness is worth it.
It’s not until you’re jolted awake around 4:30 a.m. by a tiny foot to the face that you remember what you meant by “sleep nicely.”
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In summary, parenting a sleepless toddler can take you through a rollercoaster of emotions—from denial to acceptance. Every night presents a new challenge, but learning to navigate these stages can ultimately lead to moments of unexpected joy.