From the moment a baby arrives, after checking those tiny fingers and toes, every mother hopes for one thing: a good sleeper. Sure, not the first night or even the initial weeks, but as soon as possible. After all, sleep is crucial for maintaining sanity and functionality in daily life.
In my case, my first child was the absolute worst sleeper imaginable. To clarify, she started off as a great sleeper, enjoying uninterrupted nights by five or six weeks. Then, as she began to drop off the growth chart, I was compelled to wake her every two hours for feedings. In a twist of irony, she became a terrible sleeper because of my well-meaning efforts. Long after the feeding schedule was necessary, she still insisted on waking up every two hours, and if I didn’t respond immediately, she cried until she threw up. Fun times, right? For nearly two years, I was in survival mode.
Is your little one showing signs of being a poor sleeper too? Here are the five stages of grief that every mother faces upon realizing the harsh reality of a bad sleeper. Which stage are you currently experiencing?
1. Denial
This stage often sets in after the initial few weeks. Denial can be a long-lasting coping mechanism. Surely, things will improve, right? You’ve heard countless stories about babies eventually settling into a schedule. But there are endless reasons for their erratic sleep patterns: a growing baby, nursing on demand, or simply a sleep regression. Perhaps you’re just overreacting…
2. Anger
Anger can strike anywhere from a few weeks to six months in. The realization hits that this sleeplessness isn’t going away anytime soon. Every time another parent brags about their baby sleeping through the night at six weeks, a familiar thought creeps in: It’s. Not. Fair. You may find yourself feeling resentful toward those parents and even your own family, who can’t fathom why their grandchild isn’t sleeping well when you were such a perfect baby. You might even give the parenting books a not-so-friendly gesture as you pass them by.
3. Bargaining
At this point, you might consider hiring a sleep consultant or trying out all the advice from friends, even if it involves tough love. Anything for the promise of a decent night’s sleep! “I’ll just let the baby into my bed for a few weeks until we get through this,” you might tell yourself, knowing full well that it may turn into a long-term arrangement.
4. Depression
Around five to six months in, the reality of your sleep situation becomes undeniably bleak. The amount of sleep you’re getting isn’t changing anytime soon, and that can be disheartening. You might find yourself reintroducing sleep training every time your child faces a setback, all while resigning to the fact that quiet evenings with your partner are a distant memory. It’s tough, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems far away.
5. Acceptance
Eventually, you may come to terms with the situation, which is another way of saying you’ve given up! You’ll start relying on an extra cup of coffee each morning, fully embracing those moments when you doze off during your favorite shows. You might even start to see the bigger picture: this phase won’t last forever. In a few years, your child could very well be sleeping soundly through storms, while you reminisce about those sleepless nights with a mix of disbelief and humor.
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In summary, the journey of coping with a bad sleeper can be a tumultuous one for mothers. From denial to acceptance, each stage brings its own challenges. While sleepless nights can be overwhelming, it’s essential to remember that this phase is temporary, and soon enough, you’ll have a well-rested child.