When I began my family with my former spouse, we both agreed that I would take on the role of stay-at-home parent while he focused on launching his business. I felt fortunate; I had witnessed many working mothers struggle, often arriving at the office in tears. One friend even brought her young child to work, risking her job because reliable childcare was elusive and her husband’s unpredictable fire department shifts made planning impossible. I saw those women push themselves to the brink, constantly feeling inadequate.
Initially, I was relieved to be at home with my little ones. However, I quickly discovered that I was working harder and longer than ever before. If I had to juggle a job on top of my parenting responsibilities, it would have overwhelmed me.
During those years, I felt a disconnect with my husband. I vividly recall asking him to change a light bulb after a long day, only to be met with irritation. He had little energy left for bedtime routines and preferred to unwind on weekends. Grocery shopping became a foreign concept to him, and he rarely contributed to meal preparations.
While he worked tirelessly to provide for our family, it drained him completely. I ended up managing everything else: cooking, cleaning, shopping, attending doctors’ appointments, carpooling, overseeing homework, and maintaining our social life. I soon discovered that I wasn’t alone; many mothers I spoke with echoed similar experiences. One friend mentioned that when she resumed work, instead of stepping up to help, her husband suggested she learn to accept a messy home.
The truth is, the traditional 40-hour workweek wasn’t designed for individuals to excel at their jobs and manage a household simultaneously. It certainly doesn’t accommodate the reality of motherhood.
In fact, most of us exceed a 40-hour workweek anyway, not accounting for the time spent commuting if we work outside the home. A recent post on social media struck a chord with many mothers, especially during the holiday season when we strive for that picture-perfect experience for our children.
We often overlook the fact that the 40-hour workweek was established in an era of rigid gender roles, where men primarily earned income while women handled the domestic sphere. Though societal attitudes toward women in the workforce have evolved, the expectations regarding household responsibilities have not.
Mothers shouldn’t have to balance a job, childcare, and home management alone. This is tantamount to juggling multiple jobs — a feat that typically requires several people, not just one.
Many mothers feel pressured to return home from work energized enough to prepare elaborate meals, keep the house pristine, and still find time for self-care and nurturing their relationships, all before repeating the cycle the next day. One commenter wisely observed, “Let’s ensure our daughters and granddaughters don’t fall into the trap of trying to do it all. I’m not afraid to ask my partner to help; he has household responsibilities too.”
This sentiment resonates deeply. Another comment highlighted the disparity: “Why do women feel like failures when chores are left undone, while men don’t share that burden? It’s time for men to evolve as partners. Too many haven’t, resulting in a community of stressed, overworked women, who are all incredible!”
Reflecting on my own experience, my ex-husband never expressed any sense of failure for only managing work and limited playtime with the kids. He didn’t recognize the breadth of my responsibilities — not until he faced them after our separation. Since then, he has acknowledged the challenges I once navigated.
It’s crucial to stop berating ourselves for not maintaining a perfect home or cooking dinner every night. Social media often presents an unrealistic view of parenting. Remember, you are entitled to say no, request assistance, and adjust your expectations. Just as men often take breaks from work stress, so should we.
Ultimately, your children would prefer a happy parent over one who constantly meets unrealistic expectations.
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- How to manage work-life balance as a mom
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In summary, the conventional 40-hour workweek does not accommodate the multifaceted roles mothers are expected to fulfill. It’s time to recognize and address these disparities, allowing for a more balanced approach to work and family life.