Ah, the charm of a Southern upbringing! Growing up in the South means you learned how to use colorful expressions during backyard games and find your own fishing bait, all while ensuring you looked presentable for Sunday service. If your childhood included having a dog named after a legendary football coach or enjoying venison sausage, you undoubtedly hail from below the Mason-Dixon line. As a proud Southerner, you aim to raise your children by following the 10 Commandments of Southern Parenting.
- Thou Shalt Monogram
Is that diaper bag monogrammed? As a Southern parent, you’ll find yourself personalizing everything that doesn’t move, so think carefully when naming your child. And remember, the last name goes in the middle! No child of yours should carry a bag that reads “DOG”—heaven forbid! - Thou Shalt Pick Thy Own Switch
Nothing instills discipline quite like allowing your child to choose their own method of punishment. Whether it’s selecting a wooden spoon from the kitchen or deciding which privilege to surrender, making them choose their own switch is a true Southern rite of passage. - Thou Shalt Provide Casseroles for Every Occasion
If you don’t have a signature poppy seed chicken casserole or that treasured Jell-O mold from family gatherings, call your mama immediately. Bringing a store-bought lasagna to a neighbor’s housewarming is essentially a Southern faux pas. Authentic Southern hospitality can’t be found in a Costco freezer aisle, y’all! - Thou Shalt Not Waste
Never discard bacon grease! There’s always a second, third, or fourth use for everything. Wearing hand-me-downs from your second cousin is a must, no matter how outdated they may be. And if you’ve ever transported leftovers in a Cool Whip container, consider yourself well-versed in frugality. - Thou Shalt Dress Your Child in Proper Footwear
Those shiny black patent leather shoes for Sunday school? Essential! Toddler sandals, jumpers, and bowties are non-negotiable. Seersucker outfits with bowties for Easter? Absolutely required, or you might as well join Sherman on his march. - Thou Shalt Use Proper Titles
Saying “ma’am” and “sir” is a must. The first time a friend’s mother asked me to drop the “Miss,” I nearly choked! It’s ingrained in us to show respect to adults, even if they aren’t related. After all, nothing invokes fear quite like “Don’t make me tell your daddy!” - Thou Shalt Bless Everything
Bless the meal, bless their hearts, and bless everything in between. It’s vital for Southern children to hear expressions of gratitude, reinforcing the belief that if you’re from the South, you are indeed blessed. - Thou Shalt Instill Loyalty
Teach your child loyalty to their football team! If they haven’t mastered the fight song or learned the mascot’s name by age two, you’re not living up to Southern standards. Go a step further and convince them your rival’s cheers are filled with “bad words.” - Thou Shalt Honor Your Parents and Others
Children must respect their elders, including strangers who correct them at the park. Whether related by blood or not, your kids should listen to any adult. After all, who wants to hear, “Don’t make me tell your daddy when he gets home”? - Thou Shalt Become Your Mother
If you’ve ever said, “I brought you into this world…” or “You better quit that crying,” congratulations, you’re well on your way. If you’ve ever repurposed a high chair meal into Tupperware because “there are starving kids,” you’ve made it.
Even if becoming your mother sounds daunting, remember that she did a lot right—she raised you after all!
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Summary:
Growing up in the South is filled with unique traditions that shape how children are raised. From monogramming to teaching respect and loyalty, Southern parenting comes with its own set of rules. Embracing these commandments ensures that children grow up with strong values, respect for tradition, and a deep understanding of family and community.