I have shouted, I have pleaded, and I have shown you the ropes. Yet, despite my efforts, the residents of this household persist in their laundry transgressions. Thus, I have retreated to my sanctuary (my closet hideaway) to deliver these sacred rules: The 10 Commandments of Laundry. Heed them well, dear family.
- I am the Laundry Master. Thou shalt respect these commandments and carry them out cheerfully.
Gratitude is always welcome. Ignore these rules, and you might find yourself washing your own clothes forever. Remember, your garments don’t just magically appear in drawers—they often pile up beside them. Show some appreciation! - Thou shalt verify if items are truly dirty before tossing them into the wash.
Wore it for ten minutes? Not dirty. Wore it for a day and it looks fine? Still not dirty. And if it’s a dry clean only piece and you can’t find a hanger? Not dirty either! - Thou shalt refrain from washing brand new clothing.
Some argue that new clothes should be washed before wearing, but let’s be honest: they end up in the laundry because they were too lazy to be put away. Just shove that shirt into your overstuffed drawer or, at the very least, remove the tags. - Thou shalt not place paired socks in the laundry.
A lump of socks will neither get clean nor dry properly. It’s like a sock burrito that no one wants. - Thou shalt turn all garments right side out.
No one has time to dig through dirty leggings to find your socks. Just flip them inside out before tossing them in. - Thou shalt ALWAYS extract any undergarments from clothing before laundry.
No one wants to retrieve your dirty underwear from inside your shirts. A valuable life lesson, indeed. This applies to layering as well; separating those layers is much simpler than gaming on your devices. - Thou shalt always empty pockets before washing.
Pocket debris can ruin items or, worse, ruin the washing machine itself (I’m looking at you, forgotten coins!). Let’s avoid costly repairs and keep the laundry machine functional. - Thou shalt instruct dolls and stuffed animals to handle their own laundry.
Unless they’ve been soiled, they’re not dirty. I have enough on my plate. If they need cleaning, feel free to take care of it yourself. - Thou shalt at least attempt to remove folded laundry from the basket before adding new dirty items.
Seeing neatly folded clothes buried beneath a mountain of dirty laundry can be infuriating. Show appreciation by putting your things away—stuff them into those drawers that barely close. - Thou shalt not hoard athletic wear, wet towels, or anything that smells.
These items require immediate attention. They need to meet soap and water right away, or you might earn the nickname “Stinky” while wearing that unwashed uniform.
Someday, I might realize you can manage all these tasks on your own, and I’ll try to make that happen. Deep down, I know these moments are fleeting. I’ll miss doing your laundry as much as I miss when those baskets were filled with tiny clothes (that weren’t often occupied by tiny people). So, I’ll take a breath, dig Legos from your pockets, fold your favorite shirt, and cherish this phase of motherhood. Yes, even the moments that drive me a bit crazy (seriously, that shirt still has tags!). Because having you here, even with all the laundry, means you’re still under my roof a little longer.
And that’s all I need. That, and for you to put your laundry away.
Thanks,
Mom
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Summary:
This article outlines the essential rules for managing laundry in a household. It emphasizes the importance of checking garment cleanliness, proper handling of laundry items, and the necessity of appreciation for those who manage the laundry duties. The commandments serve to foster a cooperative and respectful atmosphere in family life while acknowledging the fleeting nature of these domestic moments.