Not long ago, I received a call from my child’s high school counselor. She informed me that my daughter had been visiting her increasingly often, and today was particularly tough for her.
“I just dropped her off at school, and she seemed fine, didn’t mention anything,” I replied immediately.
“Well, she’s been in to see me quite a lot lately, and today she was in tears. I really suggest you look into getting her some therapy if you haven’t done so already.”
The conversation continued, and while the counselor maintained my daughter’s trust, she provided me with more details. It took me a moment to grasp the situation. My daughter and I are very close, and while she has faced mental health challenges in the past, she had recently seemed really upbeat. She was motivated, completing her assignments, and smiling more than ever.
When she returned home from school, she was unusually quiet. After settling in, and while her siblings were occupied, I went to her room to check in. I knew it would be a challenge since she’s always struggled to articulate her feelings. If I pressed too hard, she would completely shut down, making it even harder to communicate.
I expressed my love for her and mentioned that I had contacted some therapists. I asked her several times if she could share what was bothering her or if there was anything I could do. After about half an hour of minimal responses, I decided to give her some space.
Then, I thought about trying something different: I sent her a text. I posed the same questions I had asked her earlier. To my surprise, she responded, sharing what was troubling her and how I could help. I felt a wave of relief, and I could tell by the way she dashed down the stairs moments later that she felt better too.
This approach had also worked with my older son in the past. He had gone through a breakup, faced academic challenges, and dealt with bouts of anger that worried me. In those moments, I would try to engage him in conversation, but often he wouldn’t say much. However, during one particularly rough time, I sent him a text, and it opened the door to a meaningful discussion about his feelings.
We texted back and forth for about thirty minutes, which helped us break down the communication barriers that had been in place. Afterward, I could see he felt better, leading to more productive face-to-face talks.
I must admit, I found it frustrating to realize this approach worked. I want my teens to communicate with me in person instead of relying solely on their phones for serious conversations. However, for my family, texting consistently helps us navigate tough topics.
I didn’t have a phone at my disposal while growing up, but I often found it easier to write letters to my parents or friends when I needed to express something. It was a valuable tool for me, and our kids can benefit from the same with their devices. Talking through text can sometimes be less daunting than face-to-face conversations, and I’ve come to appreciate that, even if it’s not my preferred method of communication.
To me, any form of communication with my teens is significant, and we should value all of it. If a few texts are all they can muster to help us connect, that works for me.
Sarah Morgan is a writer who enjoys finding solace in a great book, the beach, and indulging in fast food with her children.
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Summary:
Texting can be an effective way to facilitate communication with teenagers, especially when face-to-face discussions prove difficult. As demonstrated in personal experiences, sending a text can encourage teens to open up about their feelings, leading to meaningful conversations and emotional relief for both parents and children. Embracing this method of communication, even if it differs from traditional face-to-face interaction, can be beneficial for families navigating tough issues.