When my kids first got their smartphones, they brought them along everywhere—literally everywhere. This included stores and restaurants, and it quickly became clear that they needed a crash course in phone etiquette. I realized this when my son was chatting with a friend on speaker while trying to order a triple cheeseburger. Then, there was the time my daughter blasted cat-dancing videos at full volume in the grocery store.
To outsiders, it might have seemed like they were inconsiderate teens who didn’t care about annoying others. The truth is, they simply didn’t know better. I hadn’t taught them that those dining nearby probably didn’t want to hear about math class or that it was rude to engage in a phone conversation while ordering food.
You might have seen a viral social media post about a group of teens ecstatic about their first dining experience before a homecoming dance. They left a meager tip, but later returned to the restaurant to rectify it by leaving a proper gratuity along with a heartfelt note explaining their actions. “I would also like to say sorry on behalf of my group,” they wrote. “Since we were new to all of this, our 13-year-old minds didn’t exactly know how to deal with the bill.”
These teens didn’t have to come back and apologize, but they did. It was a wonderful reminder that they weren’t just thoughtless kids—they were learning.
We often forget that teenagers are still very much children. They make mistakes, act impulsively, and sometimes just don’t have the knowledge. Instead of jumping to conclusions or criticizing them, a little patience can go a long way. Their brains are still developing and will continue to do so until they hit their mid-twenties.
For instance, my son once jumped into the express checkout line at Target with 35 items. Lost in his thoughts about using his debit card, he overlooked the sign. The cashier could have reacted harshly, but instead, she offered a gentle reminder. He was mortified, his face flushed, and you can bet he won’t make that mistake again.
It’s important to ask ourselves how we can expect teens to be kind and understanding if we are quick to judge them. As parents or caregivers, it can be tough to remember that our teens are still evolving. They’re not just learning about manners; they’re navigating complex relationships and situations. As adults, we need to slow down, teach, and refrain from jumping down their throats when they screw up.
I admit, I need to work on this with my three kids. Last summer, I rushed home to pick up my daughter for a trip to the local fair. Exhausted from carrying in heavy grocery bags, I found her lounging on the sofa, refusing to help. “Hurry up, sweetie, or we’ll be late,” I urged. Instead of a response, I got a door slammed in my face.
A few hours later, I found out my daughter and her friends had a falling out. Instead of coming together, they let their emotions get the best of them and sulked at home. I’ll be honest; I wasn’t as patient as I should have been. I assumed they’d learned how to behave by now, but I was wrong.
We expect them to know how to tip, or to be focused on tasks, yet they’re still navigating many new experiences. We must remind ourselves that they’re also under significant social pressure. They may feel shame about not knowing how to handle a situation, and correcting their mistakes takes courage.
A little kindness in our tone can work wonders. When we give them the space to figure things out, it changes everything. Often, we get frustrated when our kids handle situations differently than we would. This is where our patience needs to come into play. It’s not about ignoring bad behavior, but rather taking a different approach to teach them.
Teens get caught up in the moment, which can lead to mistakes like under-tipping or seeming inconsiderate. Adults make mistakes too, and showing empathy and compassion can help bridge the gap. Our teens deserve the same understanding; we just need to remember that they may not always know how to ask for it.
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Summary
Teenagers are still learning and evolving, often making mistakes due to their inexperience. Rather than criticizing them for their actions, adults should show patience and empathy, understanding that they are navigating new experiences and social pressures. By offering guidance and a supportive environment, we can help them learn and grow from their missteps.