By: Claire McKenzie
Updated: August 21, 2023
Originally Published: May 3, 2021
As a mother of a 13-year-old, I find myself navigating the perplexing waters of teenage behavior. My once lively and engaging son has transformed into an awkward, reclusive figure sporting a new mustache. Understanding how to relate to him has become a daunting task. After enduring an emotionally charged weekend filled with basketball, I realized that my nurturing instincts seemed to have vanished. It was clear that a new strategy was in order if I hoped to guide him toward his 14th birthday.
To gain insight, I turned to my therapist during our next session. My conversation unfolded something like this:
Me: I understand that teenagers often exhibit mood swings and are overly concerned with their peers’ opinions. It’s clear I lost my “cool” factor the moment he hit his teenage years. I need to know how to engage with him effectively.
Also Me: When should I worry that his behavior has crossed the line into serious trouble?
Therapist: You’ll know when schools start calling regarding misbehavior, cheating, or fights, or if the police contact you about him. Also, if you begin to notice the scent of marijuana in his room or on his clothing, that’s when it’s time to intervene.
Me: But what should I do before it gets to that point? He isolates himself in his room and doesn’t share what’s happening at school. How can I stay informed?
Therapist: Let me share a metaphor that might resonate. Consider a puppy: they are enthusiastic, follow you everywhere, and seek your affection. Then, one day, that puppy morphs into a cat.
Me: *puzzled expression* Are you suggesting my son is a cat?
Therapist: Precisely. Cats are independent and often aloof. They occasionally seek your attention but primarily come to you when they require something. At times, they may even hiss at you seemingly without reason before darting off.
Me: *epiphany moment* So, my son is a cat! This new perspective makes it easier to understand how to interact with him. I may not prefer it, but it makes sense.
Therapist: Rest assured, he will eventually return to a more dog-like disposition. While he may not be that affectionate puppy again, his aloofness will diminish over time.
Me: Aha! If my son is a cat, I must respect his need for space and be available when he seeks help. This is odd but definitely something I’ll share with my friends who are also dealing with teenagers.
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In summary, recognizing our teenagers as independent “cats” rather than dependent “puppies” can greatly enhance our interactions. While it may feel strange, this shift in perspective allows us to adapt our parenting approach, ensuring that our relationships remain strong as our children grow.