In high school, I had an unsettling experience with a guy I was seeing casually after a party. When I decided I wanted to stop, he ignored my pleas and continued. After repeated attempts to get him to listen, I finally yelled and pushed him away. He responded by calling me derogatory names. This person was not a stranger; he was an ex-boyfriend whom I had trusted, and this was my first encounter with him disregarding my boundaries.
This incident taught me a harsh lesson: there’s a first time for everything, and sometimes, that first time is a painful awakening. Despite believing I knew him well, I found myself in an uncomfortable situation where he disrespected me. What shocked me even more was his continued disrespect in public, even after I cut off all communication.
While my experience may seem insignificant compared to the grave situations many women face, it has stuck with me. What struck me the most was that he came from a seemingly good family and had a stable upbringing. The problem seemed to lie in a lack of education about how to treat women with respect, especially in moments of rejection or anger.
With the recent focus on cases like Gabby Petito’s, there is an abundance of advice aimed at women regarding the recognition of abuse and navigating toxic relationships. I wholeheartedly support these initiatives; they are essential and will always be necessary. I continually engage in conversations with my daughter about these topics.
However, we must also address a significant gap: teaching our sons not to become abusers. It’s imperative to instill in them the importance of respecting a “no,” understanding emotional regulation, and recognizing the consequences of their actions. We need to have these conversations regularly, ensuring we don’t leave it up to women to correct bad behavior.
As a mother of two boys, one of whom is now eighteen and in a serious relationship, I have made it a priority to teach him about treating others with respect since he was around eleven. He understands the significance of consent, that “no” means no, and that intoxication does not equate to consent. I have emphasized the importance of expressing his feelings healthily and the necessity of never resorting to violence or manipulation.
I’ve discussed therapy’s value, especially when dealing with anger issues, and shared statistics about abuse that underscore the reality of the issue. He knows the disturbing facts, such as that a significant percentage of assaults are committed by men against women. I have made it clear that if he were to engage in such behavior, he would be on his own.
The responsibility to educate our future generations lies with us. While we must continue to educate our daughters about recognizing red flags, we must also take equal responsibility for educating our sons about appropriate behavior. It’s not enough to assume they are immune to these issues or that they’ll naturally learn how to treat partners well.
As a mother of both sons and a daughter, it’s frustrating that there isn’t more dialogue about preventing the raising of emotionally or physically abusive individuals. Parents of sons need to understand that educating girls on how to avoid toxic relationships is only half the battle. The other half is your responsibility to teach your sons about respect, consent, and emotional awareness.
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Summary
It’s essential to educate both our daughters about recognizing unhealthy relationships and our sons about respecting boundaries and understanding consent. We must bridge the gap between these responsibilities to ensure a safer future for everyone.