“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” This iconic line from The Godfather: Part III perfectly captures my experience as a parent — minus the third child, because one is more than enough for me!
Before I embraced fatherhood, the thought of caring for a newborn filled me with dread. Once I adjusted, my anxieties shifted to the impending toddler years. As I navigated the challenges of walking and talking, I soon found myself fretting over the infamous terrible twos. Just when I hoped for a reprieve, we transitioned into the chaotic threes, followed by the rebellious fours. Can you see the pattern? It’s a never-ending cycle.
Now that my son is 5 ½ years old, I can’t quite pinpoint the name for this phase, but the descriptors I use for his behavior aren’t exactly flattering. While he’s developed the communication skills of a little human, he still retains the emotional regulation of a toddler. It’s a mixed bag of ups and downs, but do I really have to endure the worst of it too?
Recently, I made the classic mistake of asking him to get dressed before breakfast because we were running late. Rather than responding appropriately, he flopped to the ground, wailing as if injured. I prepared a bagel, which he usually tolerates — by “tolerates,” I mean, “after some fussing.” When I returned from my shower, I asked if he had eaten, and he replied, “I tossed it in the garbage.” Sure enough, there it was, resting atop the trash, alongside my hopes for smoother parenting as he matures.
This is the crux of parenting: there’s no magical “easy” stage where everything settles down. Every developmental milestone introduces fresh challenges. For every skill your child learns, a new complication emerges. Progress often feels like one step forward and two steps back.
I’ve previously battled with diapers, sleep training, and teething. Now, I find myself wrestling with potty training, wandering off, and of course, the omnipresent tantrums and whining. Honestly, it feels like I’ve been stuck in the tantrum phase forever! My son is nearly 6 — when will he start behaving like an adult? (Meanwhile, I’m creeping up on 40 and throwing my own tantrums about parenthood, so maybe the answer is never.)
Parents often lament one stage while anxiously awaiting its end, only to wish for the previous phase when the new one proves even more challenging. The cycle continues: you long for them to walk and talk, only to find they might walk into danger and talk back. You hope for independence, only to face disobedience. As they grow wiser, they often become harder to manage. Their abilities outstrip their emotional understanding, and if my childhood memories serve me right, this doesn’t improve until well past the teen years.
The healthy approach would be to embrace each stage and appreciate the fleeting moments. Despite the stress, there’s also wonder and joy to be found. But it’s tough to appreciate anything when your 5 ½-year-old is in the throes of a meltdown over dessert being delayed until after dinner.
It’s a tricky gamble — “be careful what you wish for.” However, I’m willing to take the risk for the next phase if it means these absurd tantrums will finally be left behind!
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Summary
In the journey of parenthood, tantrums and challenges continue long after the toddler years. Each developmental stage introduces new hurdles, often leaving parents longing for easier times. Embracing the ups and downs and recognizing the joys amidst the chaos can be a rewarding challenge.