Many of us have an ongoing internal conversation that keeps us company throughout the day. We replay past discussions, mull over things we wish we could change, engage in both uplifting and critical self-talk, and ponder everything from our to-do lists to what snack we want next. For some, this inner dialogue spills out into the open as we talk to ourselves.
This isn’t just murmuring under our breath or venting frustration; it involves asking ourselves questions, having detailed discussions, and processing both minor and significant thoughts to arrive at a solution or deeper insight.
Engaging in self-talk can help clarify our thought processes and desires, serving as a valuable tool to assess and understand our needs. It can be a beneficial coping strategy.
I’ve been known to hum to myself when concentrating and have caught myself vocally searching for items in a grocery store, such as calling out for the Fruit Loops. These instances are often mindless expressions; I’m on autopilot, and sounds just escape my mouth without a need for interaction. However, sometimes these vocalizations lead to helpful assistance from strangers.
I’ve found that vocalizing what I’m searching for can actually help me locate lost items. Research suggests that saying the name of what you’re looking for can enhance visualizing it, which aids in retrieval. I often joke that I’m summoning my lost belongings like Harry Potter with his spells—if I keep shouting “wallet,” perhaps it will magically appear.
Additionally, I’ve used self-talk deliberately to calm my mind and seek answers. Though my therapy experiences have equipped me with various methods for managing feelings of overwhelm or despair, my therapists never specifically labeled talking to oneself. However, this practice aligns with somatic therapy, which merges cognitive therapy with physical awareness to enhance the mind-body connection.
Psychologist and somatic experiencing practitioner, Dr. Emma Richardson, shared with SELF magazine that somatic therapy emphasizes awareness of the body, particularly the nervous system. Being attuned to our physical state allows us to be present and observe our bodily responses. Self-talk can help ground us in reality, especially for those dealing with PTSD or a history of trauma.
As a survivor of sexual abuse who grapples with body dysphoria, connecting with my body can be daunting. Initially, exercise became one of my primary tools for establishing mind-body awareness. I discovered that a good workout or even a simple walk could ease muscle tension and promote mental relaxation. Activities like yoga and weightlifting encouraged me to focus on my breathing and movements, creating a sense of safety. Over time, I learned to differentiate discomfort from actual danger, but I had to remind myself that I was safe.
For me, self-talk is a means to identify the sources of my anxiety and find solutions. I often vocalize my feelings to process intense emotions or to understand why my body might feel tense, restless, or fatigued. Engaging in this dialogue has become more intuitive over the years, but I had to overcome years of disconnect from my body.
A fundamental question I ask myself daily is “What do I need?” When I struggle to concentrate, decide on a meal, alleviate a headache, or feel overwhelmed, I talk to myself as I would to a friend or therapist. I articulate my question, explore potential solutions, and examine whether I might be tired, anxious, bored, or overwhelmed by the ongoing uncertainties of life—especially during challenging times like the pandemic.
Verbalizing these thoughts often fosters self-compassion, as I can see the weight of my experiences. Talking helps relieve the pressure building within my mind, transforming bubbling thoughts into a sense of validation. It’s no surprise that I feel overwhelmed and need a break; recognizing this through self-talk empowers me to address my needs—whether that means stretching, relaxing, or even taking medication.
It’s essential to ensure that self-talk remains positive. This doesn’t mean adopting a toxic positivity approach, but rather acknowledging difficult feelings without resorting to self-blame. Using affirmations like “You’ve got this,” “You are strong,” or “You will get through this” can drown out negative thoughts and remind us of our resilience.
Self-talk allows me to identify next steps, as I learn to listen to the responses I give myself. I might decide to take a walk, listen to an audiobook, limit my work, or jot down my thoughts to clear my mind. While I’m not a therapist or an expert, these skills have been honed with the support of mental health professionals.
I encourage you to seek a mental health professional to develop healthy coping strategies. It may require some experimentation and patience, but it’s worthwhile. If you haven’t yet tried conversing with yourself, give it a chance—you might find that you are the most fascinating person you speak to each day.
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In summary, talking to yourself can be a potent coping mechanism. It offers a way to process emotions, clarify needs, and foster self-compassion. Engaging in this practice allows for deeper awareness and connection to both our thoughts and our bodies, ultimately leading to a greater understanding of ourselves.