By: Mike Anderson
Updated: Aug. 12, 2015
Originally Published: June 5, 2015
GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING: This article contains explicit descriptions of cow birth. However, I assure you that reading about it is far less daunting than being just 10 feet away from a live cow in labor. So, take a deep breath and relax.
On purpose and with a desire to “connect with nature” (or whatever justification we use when preparing to witness something a bit gross), I recently observed a hefty cow give birth to another sizeable calf. I understand that many of you have either been present for the arrival of a human baby or experienced it firsthand, but I’m fairly certain that the cow’s version is significantly messier—like, a lot.
You might wonder why I put myself through this while enjoying a glass of milk, a drink I can hardly look at anymore. Well, I live in Indiana, where cow births occur daily, seemingly everywhere. You could be en route to grab a pork tenderloin or a trendy sports jersey, and glance out the window to see calves being born. It’s a common sight—in fields, at theaters, and even in restaurants. Some farms even allow you to assist, provided you bring your own gloves. In Indiana, it’s almost impossible to avoid witnessing a cow giving birth.
So, here’s how it unfolded. There’s a fantastic farm in Indiana named Fair Oaks, which offers tours, activities for children, fresh chocolate milk straight from the cow, the best grilled cheese sandwich I’ve ever had (yes, I said it, Grandma), and a live cow birthing center. This center resembles a small theater, but instead of a stage, there’s a brightly lit concrete room with two makeshift straw beds housing two pregnant, concerned-looking cows. It’s essentially the worst rendition of Shakespeare in the Park imaginable.
To be honest, I found it quite intrusive. While I’m not a woman (I’m about 80 to 85 percent sure), I’ve been around several births, and my instinct tells me that this isn’t an event where the one giving birth would want an audience of Midwestern tourists. I felt sympathy for the cows, lying there completely unaware, wondering what was happening to their bodies while being observed by onlookers in overalls and Carhartt shirts.
But it was genuine—raw, unfiltered, and gooey. Naturally, I had my kids with me because of the “miracle of life” speech or whatever. Thankfully, my 10-year-old is curious and scientific. At one point, he leaned over to his 2-year-old brother and exclaimed, “Look, that’s what happened when you were born!” using a tone reminiscent of a preschool teacher. “Except Mom wasn’t a cow.” Mom was relieved that he made this crucial distinction.
Overall, he handled it well. “That was pretty cool,” he said as we exited the birthing center. I tried to gauge his thoughts without directly asking if the sight of that blob emerging from a cow had traumatized him or if I should expect him to vomit later. But he seemed fascinated. “I like seeing the beginning of a life,” he said cheerfully, though I suspect he would have preferred to miss the part where the cow delivered its placenta. The 2-year-old, on the other hand, had a wild reaction—he stared wide-eyed for a moment, then clapped, ran around the theater, demanded orange juice, punched me in the eye, and threw a bag of fruit snacks. Just another typical day!
Yet, for all my jokes, the cow appeared surprisingly unfazed. She didn’t seem particularly comfortable and was breathing heavily (I think?). However, she didn’t exhibit any urgency, didn’t scream for pain relief, nor did she hurl insults at any veterinarians, not that I’ve witnessed that personally. The cow just delivered her calf, got up, stretched, and, as is natural, settled onto some straw for a nap. Well, eventually it became a nap after a lengthy licking session of her newborn calf, which I assured my 10-year-old was one thing Mom did not do.
This experience is a reminder of the rawness of life, and if you’re interested in exploring other aspects of home insemination, check out this blog post. For more insights on menstrual cycles and changes, this site offers valuable information. Additionally, this resource is excellent for anyone seeking knowledge about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, taking my kids to see a cow give birth was a uniquely educational experience, filled with humor and a dose of reality. It reminded us of the wonders of life, even in its messiest forms.