It’s a common question among parents: Is taking away your teen’s phone still an effective form of punishment? Many parents, especially those with younger children, often ask if I still resort to this tactic. They share their experiences, noting that what once worked no longer seems to have the same impact. I’ve heard comments like, “They used to panic and behave better, but now they act indifferent when I take their phone away. I can’t get them motivated to earn it back.”
When my kids got their first smartphones around age 12, I found a new tool for discipline. Initially, the threat of losing their phone was a strong motivator. They would prefer to be sent to their rooms than have their devices taken away. I even wondered if they were misbehaving on purpose just to escape family time. The traditional threats—like missing out on bedtime stories or dessert—had lost their power. But then, the effectiveness of this punishment waned.
I’ll never forget the day my son, after getting in trouble at school, casually handed me his phone when I picked him up. “Here,” he said, unfazed. Just a week later, I received another call from the school, and he nonchalantly mentioned that his phone was already taken away, so he felt he had nothing to lose. It dawned on me that giving up their devices had become a strategic move—they could misbehave, face consequences, and still feel like they were getting away with something.
Before long, all three of my kids were repeating the same misbehaviors, clearly aware that I would take their phones. The punishment began to feel meaningless. They would hand over their phones without hesitation, and I realized this routine was making me a complacent parent.
I noticed that simply taking their phones didn’t prompt any meaningful conversations about their feelings or the reasons behind their actions. I wasn’t encouraging them to contribute more at home or spending quality time with them. Instead, I was removing their lifelines to social interaction, which only led to resentment and less accountability.
Now, I’m not suggesting that taking away phones as a punishment is inherently lazy parenting—it just became that way for me. It was clearly ineffective, and I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with my kids. This led to a wider gap in our relationship. I recognized that I needed to be more engaged and aware of their actions instead of resorting to phone confiscation as a reflex.
Punishments that are tailored to the behavior tend to be much more effective. I still believe in taking away their phones when it’s warranted. For instance, at the beginning of the school year, one of my kids filmed a fight and posted it on social media. The school intervened and asked him to refrain from bringing his phone for a week. However, I felt he needed a stronger lesson, so we decided on a two-week phone ban. In addition, we discussed why his behavior was inappropriate and how it could impact others. This approach made a significant difference in how he views and uses his phone.
On the flip side, taking away their phones for academic neglect or chores doesn’t seem to inspire them to improve. Instead, I’ve adjusted my strategy. If schoolwork is an issue, I have them complete it in a shared space where I can supervise (a total nightmare for them) and require that their phones stay in their backpacks. Similarly, for chore-related issues, I assign them additional tasks.
These small adjustments have transformed our dynamic, and I’m relieved that the phone is no longer a source of contention between us.
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Summary
Taking away a teen’s phone can lose its effectiveness over time, leading to indifference and lack of motivation. It’s important to engage in meaningful conversations and tailor punishments to specific behaviors rather than relying on phone confiscation as a default. Small adjustments in parenting strategies can foster better communication and improve relationships.