When I was a child, playdates were uncomplicated affairs—if you could even call them that. They typically involved going to a friend’s house and casually asking, “Hey, wanna play?” The answer was usually a cheerful, “Sure!” After that, we’d either race around outside, construct a fort in the basement, or engage in a marathon of video games until dinner called us home. You’d only see the parents when they popped in to deliver news like, “No more cookies!” or “Did you raid the snack cabinet?”
Today, playdates have transformed into meticulously planned events complete with agendas, snacks, and craft activities. They’ve become less about spontaneity and more like scheduled gatherings, akin to mini cocktail parties—albeit with organic juice boxes and whole grain crackers.
Personally, I lean towards the old-fashioned style (shakes fist, reminiscing about the good ol’ days). I prefer relaxed, unstructured playtime, and I suspect my kids do too. Unless their antics involve chasing each other with knives, starting fires, or engaging in serious wrestling matches, I’m inclined to stand back and let them navigate their own social interactions. Some of the most critical lessons about personal interaction come from letting kids learn the art of socialization on their own, and it’s essential for us as parents to take a step back and allow that growth.
Do you remember how it felt to play with friends? Most of it was incredibly enjoyable, interspersed with the occasional disputes over who got to go first or who got to wield the coolest toy or game controller. When disagreements arose, we were left to figure things out among ourselves. Tattling wasn’t an option; we knew our parents wouldn’t mediate gently—they’d simply declare it was time for our friend to go home.
Despite our differing opinions, none of us wanted to stop playing. So, we learned how to resolve conflicts. Sure, there were dramatic threats like “I won’t be your friend anymore if I can’t play with that!” but how many friendships truly ended over a playdate squabble? We learned to solve our own problems, which ultimately taught us how to interact with others—a skill that many of us carried into adulthood.
As parents, our role is to provide a foundation—basic guidelines on how to treat others. Take turns. Ensure everyone gets included. Allow everyone to voice their thoughts. Once children grasp these principles, it’s up to them to figure out how to apply them. Through trial and error, they learn to negotiate, share, listen, and compromise. Kids are often more capable of resolving conflicts than we credit them for; by intervening too much, we rob them of valuable learning experiences that can benefit them throughout their lives.
While it’s sometimes necessary to step in, especially if a child is genuinely hurt or upset, the emphasis should be on stepping back. Let’s give our kids the freedom to structure their playtime, explore their interests, and learn to navigate their own social challenges. We already have enough on our plates without adding “child conflict supervisor” to our responsibilities.
So, why not join me on the couch for a chat and some chocolate? The kids are engaged in their own world, and I know just where to find the good stuff. By the way, if you’re interested in fertility options, check out this post about enhancing men’s fertility. And for those looking into gratitude practices, the appreciation jar is a fantastic way to cultivate thankfulness. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, Mount Sinai offers excellent information.