Parenting
Supporting Your Child Through the Challenges of Losing
by Emily Hartman
November 5, 2023
iStock | skynesher
My 6-year-old has an intense passion for competition, which is my polite way of saying that he struggles with losing gracefully, whether it’s on the soccer field or during a game of Connect Four. If he doesn’t come out on top, you can expect sulking, whining, or even an all-out tantrum.
As much as this behavior can be frustrating, there is a silver lining. With the right guidance, children can learn to embrace good sportsmanship and handle defeat with dignity — albeit gradually. According to child psychologist Lisa Johnson, “Being a sore loser can hinder your child’s social interactions. Nobody enjoys being around a kid who blames others for losing or makes excuses.”
To assist your child in overcoming their tendency to be a sore loser, it’s important to model what good sportsmanship looks like. Here are several strategies recommended by experts:
Highlight Positive Behavior
Regardless of how much your child may complain or throw a fit, focus on acknowledging their positive actions. Praise them when they exhibit patience and kindness towards others, or when they put in effort, even if they don’t win. Congratulating them on completing a task, regardless of the outcome, reinforces the idea that being a respectful teammate is more valuable than merely winning.
Resist the Urge to Give In
It may be tempting to let your child win just to prevent a meltdown, but this approach can backfire. It teaches them that throwing a tantrum is an effective way to get what they want. Letting them experience losses and using those moments as teaching opportunities will help them learn that losing is part of the game and that the primary goal is to enjoy the experience.
Teach Calming Techniques
“When you sense that your emotions are getting the better of you, take three deep breaths from your abdomen,” suggests child development expert Sarah Lewis, Ed.D. This technique can help children manage intense feelings. Building new habits takes time, so introducing simple strategies like deep breathing can help your child learn to cope with their emotions constructively.
Encourage Humility in Victory
Winning can be exhilarating, but it’s essential to temper that excitement with humility. While celebrating their success is important, remind your child that being gracious in victory is just as crucial as being respectful in defeat.
Model Good Sportsmanship in Everyday Life
Good sportsmanship is not confined to sports; it encompasses respect, compassion, humility, and grace in all aspects of life. Use everyday situations to demonstrate these values. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, respond calmly. If you’re running late, avoid snapping at others. Your actions serve as powerful lessons for your child on how to handle both winning and losing gracefully.
Children will face various challenges as they grow, and struggling with losing is just one of many hurdles. With patience and consistent guidance, you can help your child learn to navigate feelings of disappointment in a way that embodies the essence of good sportsmanship.
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Summary:
This article provides practical advice for parents dealing with children who struggle with losing. By focusing on positive behaviors, resisting the urge to give in during tantrums, teaching calming techniques, promoting humility in victories, and modeling good sportsmanship in daily life, parents can guide their children toward developing resilience and respect in competitive situations.