Updated: June 15, 2016
Originally Published: July 30, 2015
Ah, summer! Those laid-back, sun-soaked days filled with swimming, barbecues, and late-night adventures; all those hot dogs, flip-flops, and fireworks. But honestly? Summer can take a hike. I’m done with it. Sure, there are plenty of enjoyable aspects of summer, but let’s just say I reached my limit about three weeks ago.
When school’s out, my carefully organized life goes haywire, and I’m eager to reclaim my sanity. The moment those first back-to-school commercials aired, my kids were visibly upset. Their sad little faces were hard to ignore. But I made sure to retreat to the kitchen for a little happy dance, because, you know, I’m considerate like that. My delight was initially subdued—until it wasn’t.
By the end of the week, I was dancing with reckless abandon in front of the TV ads, and I make no apologies. Perhaps my countdown calendar for the first day of school, complete with a tiny surprise liquor bottle, was a bit excessive, but can you blame me? For me, back-to-school season is like “mom’s Christmas”—the most fabulous time of the year! Forget about Santa and his sleigh; I’m eagerly counting down the days until the big yellow bus rolls by.
Things I Can’t Wait For When the Kids Head Back to School
Silence. Here’s a little-known fact: kids never stop talking. They’re always asking questions, trying to show you the latest Minecraft video, or engaging in endless sibling squabbles. Forget trying to make a phone call or think rationally—good luck with that! While I absolutely cherish my children’s laughter, the sound of peaceful silence is pure music to my ears. The only time I get a moment of quiet is when they’re up to something suspicious or watching questionable YouTube videos with headphones on. It’s a good day when I don’t have to raise my voice.
After that school bell rings, all that’s left for seven glorious hours is the soothing sound of my own breath and the gradual return of my inner calm.
Bedtime. Kids need plenty of sleep, and I need them to be unconscious so I can finally catch up on my shows. During the school year, I’m a strict bedtime enforcer, primarily for my own sanity. With no set bedtime in summer, my TV time is non-existent, and that drives me absolutely bonkers.
And let’s not even talk about “sexy time” in the summer—kids have an uncanny ability to interrupt at the worst moments, no matter how enticing the scene. They don’t care if I’ve just binge-watched three episodes of Outlander.
A Real Schedule. Speaking of bedtime, the free-for-all vibe of summer is amusing for about a week. Sure, lounging in pajamas all day is enjoyable, but productivity goes out the window. I’m not exactly the epitome of self-discipline. But when the kids have to get up and out the door, I’m up too, and surprisingly, I turn into a morning person. Coffee transforms me, and I become a surprisingly efficient version of myself.
Genuine Hygiene. I do my best to ensure the kids bathe and brush their teeth during the summer, but let’s be real—does the neighborhood pool have fluoridated water? That’s my summer dental care plan. When school starts, hygiene is non-negotiable, and I’m looking forward to fresh breath all around.
Solo Grocery Trips. I miss grocery shopping alone. Driving, showering, and doing anything solo feels heavenly, but grocery shopping without kids is like a mini vacation. I love cruising the aisles, dancing to ’80s music, reading labels, and chatting with the wine guy. When the kids are with me, they whine, and I find myself reaching for the wine—one bottle for each aisle. If they’re not whining, they’re trying to fill the cart with junk, and I have to wrestle it all back out.
Having Food in the House. When the kids are home, they are always hungry. Their friends are too. The pantry is perpetually empty, despite my recent $250 grocery haul! And what remains is stale because NO ONE knows how to use a chip clip, or worse, they leave me with an empty box. If you want to enjoy a snack, you’d better hide it well—perhaps near their toothbrushes.
The Restoration of My Children’s Limbs. At my house, summer seems to sap my children of all mobility. They flop on couches, unable to even fetch a drink or snack for themselves. But come August, their limbs magically regenerate. Suddenly, they’re walking and begrudgingly carrying backpacks again, and I can finally retire from my butler duties—down to just chauffeur.
These reasons, and countless more, have me wishing for summer to end. Back-to-school season can’t come soon enough. Sure, I’ll miss them eventually, but first, they need to GO AWAY!
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Summary
Summer brings chaos into my carefully structured world, filled with noise and unpredictability. I eagerly await the return of structure, silence, and personal time when my kids head back to school. From enjoying peaceful grocery trips to establishing a routine, the end of summer means reclaiming my sanity and enjoying some much-needed “me time.”