From a young age, I have been battling treatment-resistant depression. This relentless condition has overshadowed much of my existence. As a child, I secluded myself in my room, often crying and pleading for companionship. I faced relentless bullying, as it seems some find joy in targeting those who are vulnerable. I’ve fought self-harm, endured the weight of suicidal thoughts, and even attempted to end my life—only to end up sleeping for days. Despite taking seven different psychiatric medications, I still struggle with the darkness. Last year, I spent two weeks in a mental health facility, desperately seeking relief.
I have a friend who insists that I should stop taking my medications and instead focus on finding my “true self.” This notion is absurd, as my “true self” often grapples with suicidal ideation. It’s these medications that allow me to engage with life, to be a supportive parent, and to love my family. You wouldn’t tell a diabetic to discard their insulin in the pursuit of self-discovery. Yet, because my medications address serotonin levels rather than blood sugar, it’s deemed acceptable to claim they alter who I am. Insulin changes you, too; it helps you live.
I’ve also been told that yoga can maintain my mental stability. If this were the case, perhaps the Beatles would have never moved beyond their earlier albums. While I acknowledge some benefits of yoga, it won’t prevent me from spiraling into despair if I abandon my medications. The last time I stopped just one med, I became lethargic, irritable, and physically unwell. I doubt yoga alone could remedy that.
Others advocate for light therapy, which is effective primarily for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder. While I experience some seasonal dips in mood, my depression is much more complex. The sun won’t fix my brain, nor will any artificial light.
Then there’s the suggestion of the Emotional Freedom Technique, which involves tapping while focusing on personal issues. I’ve been told this is a form of acupressure, but I’m skeptical of its efficacy—especially when my struggles with self-worth have persisted since childhood.
And let’s not even get started on essential oils. I’m familiar with lavender and patchouli, but when people suggest these as remedies, I quickly disengage. Essential oils often feel like part of a multi-level marketing scheme claiming to cure everything from anxiety to severe ailments. I need targeted, clinical interventions. Do you know what “serotonin reuptake inhibitor” means? If not, please keep your home remedy kit to yourself.
Speaking of serotonin, did you know it’s produced in the gut? I’m well aware, and I’m not discarding my medications. No trendy diet is going to cure me. Yes, gluten affects my mood, but that’s due to an intolerance—not a miracle solution for my mental health. I’ve tried restrictive diets and still faced deep emotional troubles. So when you suggest dietary changes, please understand that I’ve probably explored them more than you.
As for exercise, I recognize the value in it. I recently hiked a mountain in North Carolina, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I can still feel overwhelmed. I used to run regularly, and even then, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Exercise isn’t a panacea, and implying it is feels dismissive.
So please, don’t tell me to abandon my medications or suggest outlandish solutions you’ve heard from talk shows. I live with treatment-resistant depression and require medications to function. When I take my prescribed medications, I can cope. Without them, I’m lost. I’ll continue taking my meds, and that’s my choice.
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In summary, while I appreciate well-meaning advice, the complexities of my treatment-resistant depression require understanding and clinical intervention rather than simplistic solutions. My journey is personal and nuanced, and I will continue to prioritize my mental health through prescribed medications.