“What are the early months really like?” my friend Sarah inquires as we relax in my living room, watching my toddler race around. I chuckle while glancing at my son. Sarah, younger and married, is contemplating motherhood in the near future. So, I ask her, “How candid do you want me to be?” For me, being transparent about the realities of motherhood, especially during those initial phases, is crucial. There’s a glaring lack of honest depictions of the challenges new moms face.
The early days of motherhood aren’t the idyllic scenes often portrayed in media. Yes, you have this adorable baby, but the truth is, it can be incredibly tough. Frida Mom, a postpartum product brand, created an impactful commercial that sheds light on the difficulties faced by new mothers. They really nailed the need for transparency in this journey. In the ad, a mother is awakened by her crying newborn but first has to navigate the bathroom. The portrayal of postpartum struggles—complete with mesh underwear and peri-bottles—captures the raw reality. We need to see these images; they prepare, unite, and affirm us.
Despite its non-graphic content, this ad was prohibited from airing during the Oscars. Frida Mom shared on their YouTube channel, “The ad you’re about to see was rejected by ABC & the Oscars. It’s not ‘violent, political,’ or sexual. It simply shows a new mom at home with her baby and her new body. Yet it was turned away. And we wonder why new moms feel unprepared.” It’s evident that the media fails to accurately represent new motherhood, often swinging between overly sentimental and deeply despairing. The truth lies in the middle, where most of us reside.
Bonding with a new baby is beautiful, but the accompanying physical and emotional challenges can be daunting. If we were honest about these hardships, we would recognize that feeling overwhelmed is entirely normal. This is why the Frida Mom ad is so vital. I often think back to when I was a new mom and realize how valuable it would have been to hear the unfiltered truth. Everything hurts—sipping water can feel like a chore. Even though I didn’t tear, I felt like a watermelon had just exited my body. And let me tell you, trying to poop was a completely different level of frustration. I learned the hard way not to skip stool softeners, no matter how good I felt.
Engaging in open dialogues about the early stages of motherhood is essential. Those days can feel isolating. You might feel bloated, crampy, and overwhelmed, with your breasts feeling impossibly heavy and leaking if you’re breastfeeding. Loose clothing becomes your best friend, often stained with baby spit-up and sweat. Showering? A rare luxury. You think, “There’s no way I can let anyone see me like this.” But the reality is, all of this is perfectly normal.
If society embraced raw honesty about motherhood, the early days would feel far less isolating. Many of us believe we’re the only ones struggling. We could tackle numerous issues simply by portraying the realities of early motherhood—it’s really tough. I found the brutality of those initial days shocking. I was moving around like a zombie, feeling unkempt because showering wasn’t a daily routine. Even with a relatively smooth breastfeeding experience, it remained painful and uncomfortable. Despite having friends going through similar experiences, we rarely discussed it. It’s heartbreaking to realize how many mothers suffer in silence, believing they are alone.
Now that I’ve emerged from those chaotic early days, it’s crucial for me to be honest with friends who haven’t yet experienced it. I make a point to assure them that whatever they’re feeling is normal. Yes, it’s tough, and being truthful about that doesn’t make them inadequate as mothers. Recognizing how challenging it is, while knowing they’re not alone, can provide them comfort.
We need to honor the early days of motherhood. They’re inherently difficult, and it’s time to destigmatize that fact. There should never have been a stigma associated with these experiences. Acknowledging the raw truth about motherhood is the only path forward to combatting mom guilt. Mothers have endured too long in silence; it’s time to change that. We owe it to ourselves and each other to engage in more honest conversations about motherhood. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows—most days, you’re holding on by a thread. If society stops expecting us to be martyrs, perhaps we can start taking early motherhood seriously.
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In summary, it’s essential to bring authenticity to the portrayal of motherhood, especially during those early days. By sharing honest experiences, we can support one another and diminish the feelings of isolation that many new moms face. Let’s foster open discussions that reflect the true challenges of motherhood, allowing for a more supportive community.