Since my divorce became known, I’ve heard the same refrain more times than I can count:
“You’re so fortunate to have a break half the time.”
“I wish I only had to manage my kids fifty percent of the time.”
Or some other variation of this sentiment.
Let me be clear: it’s frustrating. Not only is it inconsiderate, but it also shows a lack of understanding.
My divorce stemmed from the necessity to escape a toxic environment and create a healthier atmosphere for our children. They deserve better than the constant conflicts their father and I endured. Despite our best efforts to find helpful strategies through therapy, we ultimately realized we weren’t meant to be together, leading us to part ways in the least hostile manner possible—which, truthfully, was not very peaceful. We now strive to co-parent as respectfully as we can, though it’s often a challenge.
Co-parenting has been one of the toughest experiences of my life, and I’ve faced some significant hurdles. To add to the emotional strain, our divorce was finalized just days before the world was engulfed by the COVID-19 pandemic. I transitioned from being a full-time mom to seeing my kids only half the time during a global crisis.
During the time I don’t have my children, I’m left with anxiety about what they’re doing with their father, whose parenting style doesn’t always align with mine. The reality of shared custody also brings the added stress of worrying about their exposure to a potentially dangerous virus.
And let’s not forget: during the time we don’t have our kids, single parents are often juggling work. I’m a single mother striving to make ends meet while managing three businesses and maintaining my household. My “child-free time” translates into hard work rather than relaxation. It’s about 0.09% leisure and 99.91% responsibility.
Honestly, I feel just as exhausted as any mother who has her kids full-time. As a former homeschool teacher, I’d prefer to be drained from playtime rather than the stresses of keeping up with bills. Most parents in similar situations share this sentiment. From the perspective of other single parents lacking co-parent support, we might appear fortunate. But it’s possible for two conflicting truths to coexist.
Even if we had all the support we could wish for (which is rare in parenting), and our time wasn’t consumed by obligations (which is also uncommon), we wouldn’t be lucky. Divorce is often messy, filled with grief, and heart-wrenching, especially when children are involved. There’s no silver lining in seeing our children on a limited schedule. It’s simply heartbreaking. So, please, let’s keep these comments to ourselves.
For more insights about parenting and support, check out this helpful resource on pregnancy and other topics related to family life.