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Sometimes You Must Part Ways with Those You Cherish
by Sarah Lee
Updated: March 23, 2021
Originally Published: March 20, 2021
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend, Jessica. We’ve known each other for just a few years, and when we first met, she was in a relationship with my boyfriend’s best friend. We hit it off immediately and started planning outings for the four of us.
When I first encountered them at a party during my second date with my current partner, Jessica was more reserved, while her boyfriend was quite talkative. He indulged in drinks, while she chose not to partake. They seemed content enough.
I later discovered that they had moved in together several years prior. He was eager to marry and start a family, but after her divorce at 30, she was uncertain about marriage.
As we spent more time together, our bond deepened, and trust blossomed. However, things shifted one night when I sought her perspective on a concern regarding my boyfriend, given her longer history with him.
“I have a question for you. Woman to woman. Just between us?” I texted.
“Of course,” she replied.
After a night of exchanging messages, I felt reassured and sensed that she was a dependable friend. Not long after, she confided in me about her relationship struggles — her partner’s drinking issues, financial stress, and intimacy problems.
“I love him, though,” she admitted.
I asked if her love was sufficient to justify staying in the relationship. It took her months, but eventually, she realized it wasn’t enough, and they parted ways.
This wasn’t my first experience having such conversations with women in my life. The ability to ask her about love and commitment stemmed from having been asked similar questions myself.
When my first husband and I divorced, love alone couldn’t sustain our marriage. A high school friend has endured physical abuse from her boyfriend, who belittles and pushes her, yet she still lets him back in. “I love him,” she says when I question her choices. (As a side note, love is never justification for tolerating abuse — it’s perfectly okay to leave those situations.)
This dynamic isn’t restricted to romantic relationships. A few years back, I struggled with a friendship, and another girlfriend pointed out that it sounded like I was ready to move on. “I enjoy her company sometimes,” I replied.
“But is that enough? She sounds like she’s draining you.”
In any relationship—whether with a spouse, partner, friend, or family member—there are times when love exists, yet walking away is the healthiest choice. Love alone doesn’t make everything okay, and it doesn’t have to be tied to an abusive situation either.
For me, it boils down to this: If the negatives outweigh the positives and being in that relationship feels like it’s eroding your self-worth, that’s a strong sign to exit.
It’s perfectly fine to love someone, but when that love becomes toxic, affecting your well-being, work, and other relationships, it’s time to reassess the baggage you’re carrying.
My ex and I had love, but not in a way that fostered a healthy marriage. I valued my friend, but she disrespected and exploited my kindness. Jessica loved her boyfriend but recognized that his unwillingness to change certain behaviors meant they wouldn’t share the future she desired.
Some people believe that “if you love each other enough, you can overcome anything.” I disagree. Love cannot sustain a relationship that negatively impacts your mental health and emotional well-being. The only love that can endure is the love you have for yourself.
We often forget to prioritize self-love, allowing ourselves to walk away from those who diminish us. Too frequently, we place the love we have for others above our own.
If someone needs to hear this, let me say: you can love someone and still choose to remove them from your life. The narrative that we must endure for love to prevail needs to change. It’s absolutely acceptable to prioritize self-love.
For further insight, check out this other blog post that discusses similar themes. Additionally, Intracervical Insemination offers expert advice on relationships, while Rmany is a fantastic resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.
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- How to know when to leave a relationship
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- When love isn’t enough
- Understanding relationship dynamics
In summary, love is a powerful emotion, but it doesn’t always justify staying in a relationship. It’s essential to recognize when to prioritize your own well-being over a connection that may be harming you. Embracing self-love can lead to healthier decisions and ultimately a more fulfilling life.