After a month filled with back-to-back work weekends and a packed weekday schedule, my family was in dire need of some quality time together. I had rearranged my clinic shifts to accommodate summer outings, but by Saturday afternoon, I could feel the toll it was taking on both my mind and body—my daughter, Lily, was feeling it too.
When I walked through the door at 1 p.m., ready to engage in some fun activities, I was met with a shocking sight: Lily, fully adorned in her mermaid costume complete with a jeweled crown and shiny black rain boots, was sitting on the floor, crying her eyes out.
“I don’t want to go!” she wailed, and I couldn’t help but think, “Oh, my sweet little mermaid.”
We had plans to attend a friend’s housewarming party in an hour, and Lily had been expressing her reluctance for three long hours while I was busy at work. For about 20 minutes, I tried to persuade her to change her mind—what a rookie mistake that was! I assured her it would be fun, that she would enjoy it, and that we’d all be together.
After what felt like an eternity, everyone was dressed and ready, but Lily was still sobbing and insisting she couldn’t go. At this point, I faced a choice: I could insist she comply with my social plans, or I could truly listen to her needs. It felt like I was giving in, but I realized that sometimes, it’s essential to respond to our children’s genuine requests.
After all the reassurance, I finally understood what Lily was really saying: “I miss you, and I just want some time with you—could we please have a few hours together?”
I discussed it with my husband and made sure Lily felt in control of her emotions. We practiced some deep breathing as she counted to ten. I then explained that we, her parents, had decided to change our plans. Daddy and Lily would stay home while I enjoyed quality time with her. I even offered her some choices for our afternoon together, though I was adamant that ice cream sundaes were not on the agenda!
What followed was a magical four hours just for us. We strolled through the park, enjoyed a delightful lunch, and spent the afternoon cozying up on the porch with a stack of books.
Surprisingly, I initially worried that this “win” for Lily would lead to her taking advantage of the situation, but she turned out to be the most well-behaved and thankful little girl throughout our outing. Even more astonishing? After I acknowledged her genuine need for connection, she transformed into a whirlwind of imaginative play, spending the evening fully engrossed in her mermaid adventures with her dolls. “Uh, I’m really busy with my mermaid friends, Mom,” she said when I tried to join in.
What a shift! By giving attention to her sincere request for quality time, I ended up having an incredible day myself. If you take a moment to consider the underlying issues when your child seems particularly needy, you might find the same rewarding experience.
Now, I’m not suggesting you should bend to your child’s every whim or that every tantrum should lead to changes in your plans. Quite the contrary. However, it’s essential to recognize the deeper meanings behind their behavior. When we make an effort to listen and address their needs, we all come out happier in the end.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this post on the at-home insemination kit. For expert advice on seasonal fun, 20 must-have advent calendars for preschoolers can be a great resource. And for all things pregnancy and home insemination, Progyny offers excellent advice.
In summary, listening to our children’s emotional needs can lead to rewarding experiences for both them and us. By taking the time to engage with their feelings, we foster deeper connections and encourage their growth.