Around nine months into solo parenting during a pandemic, I stumbled upon a virtual fiction writing course. The description indicated that the class would demand a significant time commitment, and the application was indeed intensive—due in just a week. With rising COVID cases in my area and no end to the cold, snowy days, I made the almost spontaneous decision to apply. A week later, I received the exciting news of my acceptance.
The warning about the demanding coursework turned out to be accurate. The assignments and readings required several hours each week, but after months of solo parenting in a pandemic, this class felt like a breath of fresh air. The instructor and fellow students were inspiring, the work invigorating, and for the first time in too long, I felt driven to pursue a dream.
However, time is a precious commodity. Even before the pandemic disrupted life as we knew it, I often found myself adding to my to-do list faster than I could check items off. This is the reality of modern parenting, especially for solo parents. The hours in a day are limited, which means every moment from waking to sleeping is accounted for.
To fit this class into my life, I had to make sacrifices—sorry, sleep! I also had to carve out a bit of time from the moments I usually dedicated to simply “being” with my kids, separate from overseeing homework or reading bedtime stories. When I first logged onto my virtual class, headphones in and focused, I had to tell my kids we couldn’t binge-watch our favorite show together that night. Guilt washed over me; as their only parent, I felt like I was choosing my dream over them. It felt selfish.
But then, as they wished me a good class and dove into their own activities on Roblox, another thought struck me. Yes, I was prioritizing my dream, which fits the definition of selfish. Yet, it was more than just that. By making this choice, I was demonstrating to them the importance of pursuing aspirations. I was showing them what ambition looks like and that adults also continue to learn and grow.
In choosing to invest in myself, I was teaching my kids to support my goals just as I support theirs. Family dynamics are reciprocal; we should uplift each other, not just in the parent-to-child relationship but in all directions.
I often struggle with the term selfish. As a solo parent, I sometimes feel that my needs should take a backseat to my children’s desires. Having witnessed their father’s gradual disappearance from their lives, I’ve held them through their heartbreak and wanted to shield them from all pain. The instinct to protect them means making choices that could take away my time with them feels wrong.
Yet, the truth is, they need to see me be “selfish” in this small way. In fact, this kind of selfishness is not a negative thing.
For me, those few extra hours spent on my goals helped me feel more visible during the pandemic, reminded me of a future beyond it, and gave me something to anticipate when I had lost the ability to dream. The class became a lifeline back to my true self. Now, weeks after it ended, I feel more motivated, productive, and present with my kids than I have in months.
For them, witnessing me dedicate time to my aspirations will, hopefully, instill the understanding that their own dreams are valid and worth pursuing. They’ll learn that our family supports each other in all endeavors, reinforcing a culture of ambition and mutual encouragement.
Summary:
Solo parents sometimes need to prioritize their own dreams, which can feel selfish but ultimately benefits the entire family. By pursuing personal goals, parents can show their children the value of ambition and self-care while reinforcing the importance of family support. This balance can lead to a healthier, more fulfilled family dynamic.