Being an adult often feels like a constant state of exhaustion. By the end of the day, I find myself drained from juggling the kids, household chores, work responsibilities, and keeping track of all the little details that seem to fall on my shoulders. The last thing I want after a long day is to engage with my husband, let alone have an animated conversation.
And no, I don’t mean an intimate kind of engagement. I simply mean being present enough to hold a coherent conversation that goes beyond planning logistics for the next day’s carpool. I want to convey that I still cherish this parenting journey we’re on together and that I rely heavily on his support and encouragement. But when the clock strikes 9 PM, my ambition to stay awake wanes, while he, the night owl, is just getting started.
After a draining day, I’d much rather collapse into bed, zoned out in front of mindless reality TV, hoping to escape the demands of the day. It would be easy to think that after doing everything throughout the day, I’ve earned the right to tune out. Sure, I deserve some downtime, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or simply being alone. But here’s the kicker: that mindset won’t sustain my marriage.
While it’s wonderful to enjoy your spouse’s company, the reality is that after a tough day, solitude often seems more appealing. Being a sensitive parent with anxiety makes self-care a challenge, and for me, self-care means spending time in quiet reflection, which can often feel like a retreat from connection.
Yet, marriage is fundamentally about sacrifice. It’s crucial that these sacrifices are mutual; both partners must contribute. To keep any marriage thriving, sometimes we need to prioritize our partner’s needs over our own. I engage in self-care, but I also commit to nurturing my relationship. Yes, some days it’s a challenge, and I’m sure my spouse, Mark, would agree. That’s the beautiful messiness of marriage.
It’s not always easy, and it requires effort. There are days when I need to push my own needs aside to ensure Mark feels connected. After 15 years together, I want to maintain that bond. What’s lovely about our relationship is that I know he makes sacrifices for me as well. He often comes to bed to chat, understanding that’s where I can engage meaningfully when I’m completely spent.
Recently, after a particularly tiring day, Mark suggested we go hiking the next morning instead of our usual gym routine. He loathes early mornings, and I would typically prefer the gym. But it was his way of saying, “I want to spend time with you.” So, we woke up before dawn, drove to the canyon, and enjoyed a hike together. We talked about the kids, life, and everything in between, holding hands without interruptions. It was a small but powerful reminder that we’re in this together, and we both have to put in the effort to make it work.
Yes, it’s hard work. Divorce can sometimes be the right choice, but fighting for your relationship is equally valid. A few years back, we faced challenges and sought counseling to navigate our issues. It opened our eyes to the fact that while we’re not invincible, we both care enough to invest in our marriage.
Right now, my goal is to resist the urge to retreat when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m learning to express that I genuinely want to spend time with Mark, even when parenting drains my energy and I yearn for solitude at the end of the day. We’re both striving to balance our personal needs with each other’s, and while it’s a work in progress, it’s proving effective.
Ultimately, with perseverance and sacrifice, we can create something beautiful from our union.
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Summary
Navigating marriage often requires setting aside personal needs for the sake of connection. After a long day, it can be tempting to retreat into solitude, but fostering a relationship demands mutual sacrifice. Engaging with your partner, even when energy is low, is essential to maintaining intimacy and support. As with any relationship, it takes work, but the rewards are profoundly fulfilling.