Trigger Warning: Abuse
I always recognized the toxicity in our relationship, but my longing for a future filled with marriage and family overshadowed my instincts. The signs were glaringly obvious; just a week before the wedding, my father sat across from me at lunch, offering me money not to go through with it—not out of malice, but from genuine concern for my well-being.
My ex-husband had a history of aggression, which further deteriorated when he was drinking. While the physical abuse was limited, the verbal and emotional torment became a nightly ritual. Insults like “slut,” “you’re nothing without me,” and “no one likes you or would ever believe you” were his weapons of choice. Things escalated to a point where my father had to find me a hotel room after my ex tried to grab the steering wheel and drive us off the road. I truly believe he didn’t want me to survive, but he was too concerned with his image to act on it. Despite everything, I convinced myself that having a child would spark a change in him.
Our daughter, born in 2016, only intensified the situation. It wasn’t her fault at all, but a narcissist can exploit anything, especially the most precious aspects of your life. He wielded our daughter as a tool for manipulation and gaslighting.
The chaos escalated to the point where my toddler would sleep on top of me, as if her tiny body could shield me from the emotional onslaught. On one occasion, he kicked me out of our home at 2 a.m. with a suitcase he packed while drunk. I had to drive 45 minutes to my parents’ house and knock at 3 a.m., greeted by my mother’s knowing gaze that conveyed, “I already know what he did to you.”
There were never any apologies or signs of remorse. That’s when it became clear to me that I was married to a monster, not a man. Calling me derogatory names, pushing me against walls, and breaking doors in a fit of rage are not expressions of love. Pretending to be a caring husband in front of others, only to unleash his fury in private, is not love.
So, my daughter and I left, armed with only a single suitcase filled with her belongings. He may not have understood love, but I did—and it was reflected in my daughter’s eyes. We departed to ensure she would never have to face a life without me because of her father. We left so she could grow up in a nurturing environment free from yelling and hostility. We left so she would learn what love truly feels like, never doubting her worth because her mother had failed to recognize hers.
Nearly five years have passed, and we’re now safe and happy. My almost five-year-old thrives in a loving home with me, her stepfather, and her brothers. To this day, I have yet to receive any acknowledgment of his wrongdoings, but I find peace knowing he’ll have to confront that one day—not at my hands. We are liberated from the pain.
This article was originally published on June 5, 2021.
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Summary:
This article recounts a personal journey through a toxic relationship marked by emotional and verbal abuse, ultimately leading to a courageous decision to leave for the sake of a child’s well-being. It highlights the importance of recognizing love and safety in a nurturing environment, free from manipulation and pain.