I get it. Time flies by. I know it could always be worse. I understand that every cloud has a silver lining. I’ve been hearing this from well-meaning strangers, family, and even the overly cheerful preschool teacher my son had last year.
But honestly? I wish people would stop pushing the idea of looking on the bright side during tough parenting moments. I want those empty nesters to quit sighing wistfully while watching my unruly toddler. Because, let’s face it: some days, parenting is just plain hard, and sometimes there isn’t a silver lining. We really don’t need everyone insisting there is one.
I don’t hold it against those who view life through such annoyingly rosy lenses. I’m glad they can reflect positively on their past. I’m even happy for those who find joy in the present moment—you know, the ones who laugh off your complaints and leave comments on your social media posts featuring sick kids with something like, “Enjoy every moment! They’ll grow up before you know it!” or “At least it’s not lice!”
Seriously? Just because my kids aren’t infested with bugs doesn’t mean I’m not struggling in the moment. It’s perfectly okay for me to express my frustrations.
Sometimes I just want a moment to feel my feelings without the pressure to brush them aside. Yes, tomorrow is a fresh start, and I’m grateful for that. But right now? I need to express my anger, sadness, or frustration before I can muster the strength to move on.
Parenting is tough, and I need to experience the full range of emotions—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Why do we insist that parents should ignore their negative feelings? If we genuinely want parents to cherish every moment, shouldn’t we allow them to acknowledge the tough times as well? Feeling the lows helps us appreciate the highs. I want to allow myself to feel upset when my child is having a meltdown, knowing that it makes the moments of reconciliation all the more meaningful.
I want to be able to cry into my pillow and not feel guilty about wishing for a break, so that when my kids are being adorable again, I can cherish those moments even more. I’m learning as a parent, and I would never tell my kids to stop feeling sad or that disappointment isn’t valid. So why is it that some people think it’s unacceptable for mothers to voice their struggles because they are #soblessed?
Can you imagine if I told my child, “Look on the bright side! At least no one bullied you today!” when they were upset? That would be absurd and entirely inappropriate parenting.
That said, I recognize that adding a sprinkle of positivity to my life wouldn’t hurt. I’m naturally more of a glass-half-empty person, so I don’t need constant reminders to count my blessings—I know I have plenty, especially the three that I brought into this world.
In fact, I strive daily to find the silver linings in challenging moments and to lift myself up when I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. I’m also battling anxiety and depression on top of that. Sometimes, venting is a much-needed release, allowing us to return to our children with lighter hearts. I genuinely enjoy shouting, “Today is rough!” and hearing my fellow mom friends echo, “My day is tough too!” as we find laughter in our shared struggles, fighting the feeling that we’re failing as parents.
I don’t believe that expressing negativity for a short while makes me a bad mom. In fact, it might make me a better one because I’m showing my kids that it’s okay to feel and then to move forward.
Yes, there are always those who have it worse than I do. I recognize my privilege and count my blessings whenever I can. So if I need to complain, just let me. And when I’m old, I promise never to say, “It goes so fast!” Instead, I’ll say something much more relatable: “Parenting can be tough, huh? You’re doing great, and you’ll get through it.”
Summary
Parenting can be an uphill battle, and it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. It’s essential to acknowledge the hard days without the pressure to always find the bright side. While it’s great to reflect positively on past experiences, allowing parents to express their frustrations can lead to better emotional well-being. Remember to embrace the full spectrum of feelings, as understanding the lows can deepen appreciation for the highs. If you’re looking for more support or resources, check out this blog post and this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.