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Parenting
So You’re Curious About My Baby’s Sleep?
by Jenna Brooks
Updated: Aug. 15, 2017
Originally Published: Jan. 4, 2016
“How’s he sleeping?”
This is the Ultimate Question.
It’s one that everyone seems to ask, popping up in every conversation immediately after “Hi there.” It’s often delivered with a tilt of the head, a furrowed brow, and a sympathetic tone that makes it clear they expect a struggle.
I understand why they ask. After all, it’s a logical topic of concern when chatting with a sleep-deprived mom who looks more like a worn-out garden shed than a vibrant person. I’m not offended by it, but I can’t help but feel a sense of dread.
My anxiety isn’t about The Question itself, but rather the predictable response that follows my answer. The conversation typically unfolds like this:
“How’s he sleeping?” (head tilt, concerned expression)
“Not very well?” I respond, turning it into a question as if I’m unsure.
“That’s tough.” (slow nod, sympathetic tone) “Have you considered…?”
And this is where my anxiety peaks. The Question would be fine if it didn’t lead me down a rabbit hole of unsolicited advice about baby sleep strategies:
Have you tried white noise? What about formula? Letting him cry it out? This program? That book? The list goes on and on, and it feels like everyone I meet has their own opinions, some even offering their entire life savings in the form of advice.
It’s overwhelming to hear that I should be doing this or not doing that. Everyone seems to have the key to solving my baby’s sleep issues, and it feels like if I just discover the magic solution, he’ll sleep soundly through the night like all the other babies.
Recently, a friend of mine, Sarah, asked me The Question. I felt my mind drift as she spoke, having just welcomed her first child a few days ago, armed with a plethora of theories from countless books on childbirth and parenting. I was curious what groundbreaking sleep advice she’d come up with after just a week of motherhood (sarcastic eye roll).
I mumbled my standard line about his poor sleep, and then Sarah said, “Ah. That’s pretty normal, huh?”
I paused, struck by the simplicity of the word “normal.”
Suddenly, my baby’s sleep issues weren’t a problem to be solved. There was no need for advice because this wasn’t an indication of something wrong with him or me. Some babies just have trouble sleeping, and that’s perfectly okay.
You might think that realization is obvious, but it was one of the most comforting things I’ve ever heard.
I’m not suggesting that there aren’t strategies I could explore to help him sleep better—books to read or methods to consider. I’m still on the quest for that elusive full night of sleep. I even seek advice from a select few. But now, when someone poses The Question, I know just how to respond. I confidently say five simple words to the well-meaning advisors before steering the topic elsewhere:
“He’s sleeping like a baby.”
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Summary:
The author reflects on the common question new parents face regarding their baby’s sleep patterns. Initially feeling overwhelmed by unsolicited advice, she finds relief in the realization that her baby’s sleep struggles are normal and don’t require fixing. With newfound confidence, she learns to respond to inquiries about her baby’s sleep with a simple phrase, focusing on what truly matters.