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Help me escape this nightmare
Sleep training can be an ordeal. Here’s how I managed to cope while my baby wailed away, from indulging in audio erotica to diving into tales of questionable parenting. by Alex Monroe March 24, 2022
Once upon a time, we named our son Morpheus after the deity of sleep and dreams. (To be honest, the inspiration struck when we saw a poster for The Matrix on our way to the hospital. Thank you, Laurence Fishburne, for your unexpected influence.) Naturally, our Morpheus didn’t sleep through the night until he was 14 months old. Living in a one-bedroom apartment in NYC made sleep training feel like an uphill battle. My methods involved spraying myself with way too much perfume to mask my scent while the baby screamed from just a few feet away and using a contraption called the “Slumber Pod” over his crib, hoping it would convince him he was on a solo camping trip in the serene wilderness.
When it came time for baby number two, sleep training was at the forefront of my mind. Around the six-month mark, we decided to try a variation of the Ferber method, allowing our daughter to cry for progressively longer periods before reassuring her that we were still around.
For those parents who, like me, aren’t among the lucky few who can claim, “Oh, my baby just started sleeping through the night at two months!” here are ten strategies to help you endure this challenging phase.
01 Use a Noise Machine for Your Own Comfort
Many parents invest in portable noise machines (we loved the Rohm) to recreate the womb-like sounds that help their infants sleep. If it works for your baby, it can work for you too. Turn it up and you might find yourself dozing off before you even have to check in on the little one. This is especially handy if you have a snoring partner who seems unfazed by your child’s cries.
02 Take a Relaxing Bath and Reflect on Your Strength
Pour a generous amount of lavender epsom salts into the tub, letting the soothing water drown out the sounds of distress. Take this moment to appreciate your incredible body — the one that nurtured and gave birth to this little one. I often spend this time gently massaging my C-section scar, grateful for the safe delivery methods available today.
03 Tune into Some Audio Erotica
If you have to listen to screams, they might as well be entertaining! While you may not feel in the mood for intimacy as a tired parent, stories like Alice’s adventurous Game Night with her friends on Audio Desires can provide a much-needed distraction. These short, captivating tales allow you to escape into a different world without the overstimulation of screens.
04 Watch a Favorite Sitcom or Dramedy
The 22-minute format of sitcoms is perfect for outlasting a baby’s cries while also providing a comforting dose of nostalgia. For me, it’s likely to be Frasier. If the crying persists, I might switch to a longer dramedy like The Great, knowing that the witty banter between charming characters could lead me back to some audio fun later.
05 Grab a Snack
Just because you’re training your baby to stop eating overnight doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs. If you live in a city, consider ordering from a 24-hour diner, and perhaps add a note requesting a little friendly chat at the door.
06 Dive into Books with Troubling Parents
Reading about terrible parenting in books like Matilda, Hamlet, or Carrie can be oddly reassuring. It’s a reminder that letting your baby cry for a while doesn’t make you the worst parent in the world.
07 Host a Silent Dance Party
If you missed out on the underground rave scene before parenthood, now’s your chance! Put on your headphones and dance to tunes like Sam Smith’s How Do You Sleep or The Police’s Every Breath You Take, all while keeping an eye on your baby through the monitor.
08 Scroll Through Baby Photos
This may backfire if you’re breastfeeding — the combination of cries and that adorable peekaboo picture could lead to emotional moments. Nevertheless, it’s a good reminder that your time with your child is mostly filled with joy.
09 Write or Draw Your Feelings
Even if creativity isn’t your strong suit, getting your thoughts out on paper can be therapeutic. Your doodles of a future teenager who sleeps in could help process your current sleepless nights.
10 Embrace the Clichés
Remind yourself that “this too shall pass” and listen to the well-meaning advice from strangers that “these moments go by so fast!” (If only that were true during the phase of my baby’s nipple-biting antics!)
In the end, unless your child has a medical issue affecting their sleep, they will eventually stop crying. You can then relish a moment of peace before shifting your focus to the toddler at your bedside announcing, “Mama, I did a poo.”
If you’re interested in more insights, check out this other blog post from us here. For more authoritative content on baby sleep, visit this site. And if you’re seeking information on infertility, the CDC offers excellent resources.
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Summary: Sleep training can be a challenging journey for parents, especially when dealing with sleepless nights. Utilizing noise machines, finding moments to unwind, engaging with entertaining audio, and even indulging in some light reading can help ease the process. The key is to remember that this phase is temporary and that soon enough, you’ll find a rhythm that works for your family.