At times, it feels as though my partner and I are running a small enterprise together. Each of us has our own roles and responsibilities, along with a budget we need to manage. We frequently discuss our “operating” plan, deciding what needs to get done: I’ll handle this task while you take care of that. We hope to resolve certain issues by next week, and we often find ourselves pondering if we have enough resources. Can I take a mental health day? Overall, we manage the practical aspects of our household fairly well.
However, our romantic relationship often takes a backseat to the pressing daily demands of work and childcare. Despite our attempts to reconnect through date nights and quality time, there are moments when we feel more like colleagues than partners.
But what if we implemented “relationship reviews,” as suggested by Emma Thompson in a recent article? This concept involves couples regularly checking in with each other about their feelings and experiences within the relationship. Thompson notes, “An increasing number of marriage counselors and relationship experts advocate for spouses to conduct periodic reviews. Couples often delay seeking therapy, but by routinely assessing their relationship, partners can pinpoint what’s working and what isn’t—addressing issues before they become too serious.”
She references a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, where 216 married couples completed questionnaires designed to identify their relationship strengths and weaknesses. The researchers divided the couples into two groups: one group received regular therapy check-ups while the other did not. The findings were intriguing; those who participated in check-ups reported significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and acceptance, along with a decrease in depressive symptoms, compared to those in the control group. Notably, couples that initially faced more challenges saw the most significant progress.
I have a tendency to be somewhat pessimistic about relationships, believing they will either succeed or fail. Yet, I recognize that simply taking time to sit down with my partner to express what we appreciate and what we find frustrating could be incredibly valuable. If there are issues regarding the division of responsibilities or communication styles, addressing them early on might prevent resentment from building up.
In fact, one of the benefits of therapy is helping individuals understand when a relationship may be beyond saving. If you find that requests for mutual respect or shared responsibilities are continually ignored, these check-ins can serve as a signal to reevaluate the relationship.
Perhaps our date nights will now include a bit of a relationship state-of-the-union discussion. I’ll share what’s working for me, and he can voice his thoughts as well. If we allow ourselves to slip into merely being coworkers, we risk losing the essence of our partnership altogether.
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Summary:
Regular relationship reviews can help partners identify strengths and weaknesses, fostering better communication and addressing issues before they escalate. By taking time to discuss what works and what doesn’t, couples can enhance their connection and prevent feelings of resentment from taking root.