Understanding the Situation
If your tween or teen is facing challenges—something many young people are experiencing today—you might be wondering about the best approach to household chores. While it’s common for adolescents to resist taking on chores, these tasks can help relieve your burden while instilling essential life skills. However, with the rise in reported cases of mental health issues like anxiety and depression, particularly in the wake of the pandemic, it’s crucial to consider how chores fit into your child’s current emotional landscape.
Creating a nurturing environment is vital, and you might feel inclined to lighten their load. Yet, some professionals argue that giving your tween or teen manageable chores can offer structure, which can foster a sense of achievement and boost their self-esteem.
The Importance of Chores
“Chores are essential for tweens and teens dealing with mental health challenges, as they provide a sense of mastery and accomplishment,” states Dr. Lisa Harmon, a psychologist based in Chicago and author of Conquering Anxiety. “Having a routine can alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression across all ages.” She emphasizes that if you start treating your child differently—like tiptoeing around their feelings—they will likely notice. “It’s crucial for them to feel they are still just like their peers, even when grappling with mental health issues,” she adds.
That said, during particularly challenging times, it may not be appropriate to enforce chores with a strict approach. “Parenting should be adaptable, considering the current situation when making decisions,” Dr. Harmon advises. If your child is feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to make exceptions. Engaging in a collaborative discussion with your tween or teen to find a compromise could be beneficial. For instance, they might skip regular chores during a tough week but agree to help with one specific task over the weekend.
Assigning Age-Appropriate Chores
Dr. Harmon suggests that parents should consider their child’s developmental stage when assigning chores. Younger kids often enjoy light or fun tasks, like putting away toys, while older children can take on more independent responsibilities, such as washing dishes or helping with laundry. If you find your tween or teen is neglecting their chores not out of typical rebellion but due to emotional struggles, approach them with kindness and understanding.
“Conversations about chores should be handled with empathy and flexibility,” she says. A gentle reminder such as, “I see you’re having a tough time. I need you to keep taking out the trash each day, but if it becomes too much, let me know so we can adjust,” can be effective. Establishing a supportive framework for success—like using checklists or reminder notes—can also be helpful. Visual cues make it easier for kids to track their progress.
To Reward or Not to Reward?
If you’re uncertain about offering an allowance for completed chores, especially when your child is already struggling, Dr. Harmon supports the idea of small rewards. “An allowance teaches them about cause and effect, fostering a sense of pride in their accomplishments,” she shares. Research indicates that incentivizing behavior can be very effective for children and adolescents. It’s a way for them to learn financial independence as well.
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Summary
Assigning chores to your anxious tween or teen can provide them with structure and a sense of accomplishment, but it’s essential to balance responsibilities with their emotional needs. Flexibility and understanding should guide your approach, allowing for open communication and collaboration. Small rewards can help motivate them to engage in household tasks while fostering valuable life skills.