Recently, I found myself at a grocery store with my three children, aged 10, 8, and 3. My youngest occupied the cart while the older two clung to its sides, their moods decidedly sour. Navigating the aisles with three kids under ten often feels like a relentless chorus of “no” and empty threats about forfeiting treats, all while I fantasize about escaping to a quiet life in the woods.
During one of those chaotic moments, a woman in her late sixties approached me and said, “Great job, Dad.” I returned her smile, offering a weary “Thanks.” This was the first of three unexpected compliments I received that day—one at Costco and another at the bank. While it’s not common to receive such encouragement multiple times in one outing, it is not unusual for me to be praised while managing my children alone.
Later that evening, I shared my experience with my partner, Sarah. Her brow furrowed in disbelief. “Seriously? No one ever compliments me,” she remarked, reflecting the reality that as someone who works part-time at our children’s school and spends the rest of her time caring for our energetic trio, she has far more opportunities to manage errands with the kids.
This raises an interesting question: why the disparity? Why do I receive applause for my role as a father while Sarah does not receive similar recognition for her dedication as a mother? Frankly, I don’t have an answer. My observations are anecdotal, lacking formal research, but there seems to be an instinctive urge for people to encourage a father when they see him engaged in parenting.
As someone who has written extensively about fatherhood, I can attest that most fathers actively participating in their children’s lives do not adhere to outdated notions of solely being providers. They share household responsibilities, from laundry to dishes, as we do in our home—where I typically handle the laundry, while Sarah manages the budget. We focus on our strengths rather than adhering to traditional gender roles.
When you see a father out with his kids, it’s likely he’s committed to parenting and eager to contribute. He’s not just babysitting; he’s fulfilling his role as a devoted father. Yet, it feels like a societal oversight to single out fathers for doing what should be expected of them, while it often goes unnoticed when mothers perform similar duties.
Honestly, being recognized for simply doing my job feels like a double-edged sword. It not only puts me on a pedestal for fulfilling my responsibilities but also diminishes the efforts of my partner, who deserves equal recognition.
While compliments are appreciated, and the often thankless nature of parenting can make them feel particularly special, it’s crucial to acknowledge that both mothers and fathers are equally dedicated to raising their children. Instead of only praising fathers, let’s strive for a more balanced approach.
Next time you see a mother juggling a cart full of children, take a moment to commend her efforts. Equally, when you spot a father doing the same, offer him a word of encouragement. It’s only fair that both parents receive the support they need.
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In summary, while it’s nice to receive compliments for parenting, let’s ensure that both fathers and mothers are recognized equally for their contributions.