Reflecting on my journey as a parent, I believe it all began the moment she entered the world. As I held her small, fragile body against my chest and looked down at her tiny, wrinkled face, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Who is this little one?” She didn’t match the vision I had in my mind.
Where was the soft strawberry-blonde hair I had anticipated? Where were the rosy cheeks that mirrored my own? If I’m the spitting image of my mother, surely my daughter would inherit my features. But that wasn’t the case.
From the very beginning, it was evident that, while newborns often bear some resemblance to their parents, this little girl was distinctly her own person. She’s not what I imagined.
At first, I reassured myself: “She looks like her father.” I could see his features reflected in her face, which brought me joy. I told myself that she could still embody a version of me, even if our appearances didn’t match.
However, it quickly became apparent that her personality deviated even more from my expectations than her looks. For instance, she is—without a doubt—moody. Family members would often comment on her expressive demeanor, which we humorously dubbed “The Stink Eye.” She could deliver that glare with such intensity that outsiders would remark, “Wow, she sure has a strong personality!” It was a clear indication: I had my work cut out for me.
Over time, I came to recognize that the traits I used to describe my daughter could easily be categorized as “strong-willed.” I’m raising a stubborn, determined toddler who often exhibits the attitude of a teenager—all packed into a petite 29-pound frame.
Where, I wondered, was the sweet, compliant mini-me I had envisioned? Aren’t daughters supposed to be nurturing, gentle, and eager to help with younger siblings? How naive I was to think that way.
Admittedly, there have been times filled with disappointment and even embarrassment regarding my daughter’s temperament. Moments when I returned home after a brief absence, eager to embrace her, only to be met with her refusal to come near me. Instances when she would wake up from a long night’s sleep and angrily demand solitude.
When she acted defiantly or sassy without any clear reason, or when a friendly face approached her and received nothing but The Stink Eye in return, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated. She’s not what I envisioned.
As I navigated these challenges, I realized that the issue was less about behavior and more about personality. I learned that a child doesn’t need to be disobedient to have a less-than-cheerful disposition. Others might assume that she simply lacks proper discipline or that I’m failing as a parent. In reality, we maintain a structured environment where inappropriate behaviors are addressed with appropriate consequences.
But how does one discipline an inherent trait? Many of her characteristics don’t call for correction but rather an understanding of who she truly is.
There are precious moments when her sweeter side shines through—like when she snuggles up in my lap or affectionately kisses her baby sister’s head. Though these instances are rare, they are impactful. They bring warmth to my heart, even as I sometimes wonder why she can’t embody that gentler spirit more often. Still, I strive not to wish away her true self.
Ultimately, I’m discovering that my rigid expectations were limiting my ability to fully embrace my child for who she is—flaws and all. Her unexpected traits contribute to her distinctiveness. Yes, she challenges me daily and tests my patience frequently, but she also prompts me to reevaluate what it means to be a parent, which is characterized by unconditional love.
She’s not what I envisioned, but perhaps that was intentional. She has taught me invaluable lessons about acceptance, perseverance, and gratitude. The truth is, I love my daughter fiercely. While she may not fit the mold my younger self imagined, she is precisely who she is meant to be—and she is mine.
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In summary, embracing the unexpected in our children can lead to profound lessons in love and acceptance.