As a parent, I’ve made my peace with certain choices—like letting my kids indulge in M&Ms daily. Yes, I intentionally give them sugar and artificial colors, knowing the potential risks associated with them. Why? Because sometimes a little bribery is the key to getting them to poop on the toilet, sit still in their car seats, or even pick up their toys. M&Ms—my not-so-secret weapon.
I’ve been a mom for over 20 years, which is wild when I think about it. I’ve witnessed the evolution of parenting discussions, especially with the Internet going from a nascent concept in 1995 to a pervasive influence today. The online world can be a double-edged sword: while platforms like Dr. Google can provide comforting information (like that a rash isn’t a death sentence), they also come with a hefty dose of guilt. Didn’t cloth diaper? You might as well be single-handedly causing climate change. Didn’t breastfeed? Your child is destined for lower IQs and health issues.
Recently, Yahoo launched the #noshameparenting campaign, which aims to alleviate some of that guilt. This initiative is beneficial for parents who feel the weight of judgment and pressure. Despite the reassurance that it’s perfectly fine for kids to watch TV, a new article always seems to pop up, warning that screen time might stunt their growth or hinder creativity.
Shame is counterproductive. Instead of encouraging openness, it fosters fear of judgment and the notion that we’re failing as parents. Here’s a straightforward guide on what to feel guilty about:
What to Feel Guilty About
- DO NOT be ashamed of giving your 8-month-old any type of milk—be it formula, breast milk, or goat milk. All of these provide essential nutrition.
DO be ashamed of giving your baby chocolate milk; it’s not suitable at that age. - DO NOT feel guilty about turning your infant’s car seat around when they meet the weight requirement. They don’t need to be rear-facing until five years old, despite what some Facebook warriors may claim.
DO feel guilty if you neglect to use a car seat altogether—that’s reckless. - DO NOT worry about letting your child watch educational programming on PBS; it can help with learning important skills.
DO be ashamed if you let them watch shows like Caillou—seriously, no child should endure that. - DO NOT feel guilty if you give your toddler Benadryl to help with sleep when they have a minor cold; sleep is crucial.
DO feel guilty if you offer them alcohol, like a shot of rum—that crosses a line. - DO NOT fret over skipping bath night now and then; kids can be a bit dirty. Alternatively, tossing them in a pool can suffice as a bath!
DO feel guilty if they go weeks without a bath—while free-range parenting is a trend, letting dirt grow in their ears might be pushing it too far. - DO NOT stress about whether to use cloth or disposable diapers; in the end, they all serve a purpose.
DO feel guilty if you’re practicing elimination communication and your toddler is pooping on your neighbor’s floor—that’s just inconsiderate. - DO NOT feel bad if bedtime stories occasionally fall by the wayside. But if you choose to read them something like Stephen King’s Carrie, you might want to reconsider your selections!
- DO NOT be ashamed of treating your kids to a large order of McDonald’s fries; they do contain potatoes, after all.
DO feel guilty if your diet for them consists solely of kale—come on, that’s just cruel.
In the grand scheme of parenting, the daily challenges we face are rarely worth the stress. That judgmental mom? She probably hasn’t yet experienced the trials of a two-hour drive with a screaming toddler.
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Summary
Parenting is tough enough without the added pressure of societal expectations and judgment. It’s essential to focus on what truly matters and let go of unnecessary guilt. Embrace the journey, and remember that not every choice is a hill worth dying on.