After a challenging breakup with my lifelong friend over a decade ago, I’ve found myself yearning for new friendships. The dynamics of our 25-year relationship shifted when our lives took different paths—my responsibilities as a married parent with two kids contrasted sharply with her single, unpredictable nature. Although it was a painful separation, it was essential for my well-being.
In the years that followed, I dedicated myself to my family, work, and the everyday demands of life. I managed well without a close friend, often connecting with “situational friends” like other parents on my daughter’s sports teams or fellow business owners. However, as my daughter moved on from sports and I wound down my business, I realized I was now in search of meaningful connections with women, and viable candidates are scarce.
The absence of close friendships has become more evident. When I do interact with other women, I sometimes come on too strong, overwhelming them with personal anecdotes and laughter, trying to fill the social void. This self-awareness leads to a mix of thoughts—on one hand, I embrace my exuberance, yet on the other, I wonder why I struggle to find my footing in these social settings.
What I really seek is a friend who shares my enthusiasm for life—someone irreverent, intelligent, and perhaps just a touch judgmental, reflecting traits I also possess. I’ve mentally drafted a friend-wanted ad that captures my ideal companion:
“Almost 50-year-old woman seeking a similar partner for lifelong friendship. Must be witty, enthusiastic, and understand the meaning of irreverence. Politically, I lean fairly liberal, and I prefer to avoid discussions of religion. A knack for delivering appropriate outrage and clever comments in response to rants is essential, as is the ability to recognize when advice is needed versus simply a listening ear. An affinity for coffee, documentaries, and educational podcasts is a plus, as is basic knowledge of French or Spanish. Willingness to discuss perimenopause symptoms is a must, and I’m open to adventures—though nothing too crazy or embarrassing. Local friends preferred for spontaneous visits (both ways). A commitment to feminism and a discerning eye for grammar are top priorities. Emotional conservatism is fine, and sporadic contact is expected. Please submit an essay on ‘Below Deck: Mediterranean as a microcosm of capitalism’ along with a small application fee.”
It’s a work in progress. Some days, I think the essay topic should be about The Princess Bride, but worry that could reflect poorly on me. I wonder if I should also outline what I can offer in return or if that would make the whole thing feel transactional. Typically, I don’t second-guess myself this much.
Reviewing this ad makes me question if I’m merely looking for someone just like me. Wouldn’t life be richer with someone who brings different perspectives? While I know my shortcomings, I also recognize the value I offer. Perhaps together, my future best friend and I can expand our horizons.
You might wonder about my husband—shouldn’t he be my closest confidant, as many women suggest? Alas, he doesn’t meet the criteria; while he’s wonderful and practical, he’s not the coffee-drinking, book-loving type. He’s the reason I feel the need to seek friendships elsewhere.
I acknowledge that my friendship criteria are specific and a bit self-serving. Over time, I’ve distanced myself from friends who were overly religious, overly emotional, or judgmental about my choices. Yet, I’m eager to support someone else’s self-indulgence in return.
The challenge, however, is that making new friends at this stage in life, especially those who are truly close rather than situational, is notoriously difficult. Are those of us nearing 50 too set in our ways to welcome new personalities or experiences? Perhaps. That’s why I added a note about sporadic contact being okay.
Honestly, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m ready to explore this journey—ideally alongside my new best friend. Applications are now open (with a small fee).
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Summary
After a significant friendship ended, the author reflects on the challenges of making new friends as they approach 50. Acknowledging their quirky personality and specific friendship requirements, they humorously draft a “friend-wanted” ad, exploring the complexities of personal connections at this stage in life.