I recently delved into Jessica Martin’s book, Absolutely Yes, and it sparked a profound reflection on the concept of personal failure. Absolutely Yes was anything but a failure; it was witty, thought-provoking, and empowering, reaffirming my admiration for Jessica. One particular insight she shared about failure struck a deep chord with me.
As a woman in my 30s, I’ve reached a point where irreversible life choices have been made and scrutinized by both myself and society. This has led me to ponder what failure truly means. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether I’ve failed or will fail, leaving me clutching my hopes tightly, crossing my fingers and toes, and wishing for the best. Adult decisions carry adult consequences, and that can feel overwhelmingly intense.
In Absolutely Yes, Jessica shared her perspective on her divorce from her partner, Sam. Rather than viewing it as a failure, she highlighted the positives. She reflected on their decade-long marriage, which blessed her with motherhood and ended on respectful terms, committed to co-parenting. To her, this was a success rather than a failure. She acknowledged the difficulties of divorce but embraced the new shape of her family and the treasured memories they created together. I admire her outlook.
I relate to Jessica’s experience of navigating life’s unpredictable paths. I understand the frustration of expecting a certain trajectory only to find yourself on a completely different one. My personal struggle revolves around the decision to prioritize motherhood over my career aspirations when my daughter was born six years ago.
During my time at home, I often felt societal pressure labeling me as a failure for not working outside the home. Countless times, I witnessed disappointment in others’ faces when they learned I was staying home instead of pursuing a career. The expectation was that I should manage everything simultaneously, or I was somehow falling short.
People would sometimes bluntly ask why I wasn’t “utilizing” my advanced degree or express that they’d be too bored to do what I was doing. I always found these comments patronizing and intrusive, yet they planted seeds of doubt in my mind. While I cherish the moments I’ve spent with my children, transitioning back into the workforce has been challenging. There are days when I feel overwhelmed, wanting to bang on doors that appear closed and cry over lost opportunities.
I began to apply Jessica’s philosophy on failure to my own choices regarding motherhood versus career. My professional journey isn’t what I envisioned at this stage in my life, but I take pride in being a dedicated parent. The years spent nurturing my children, despite their challenges, have been some of the most beautiful of my life. I still have time to pursue other ambitions; my life is simply on a different timeline than I once imagined. Jessica’s compassionate approach to failure offered me relief; she treated herself kindly regarding her experiences.
I’ve decided to extend that same kindness to myself. Not everyone will agree with my choices, and that’s okay. I know that my decisions are made with careful thought, and I trust that I chose wisely. I believe that this delay in my professional growth will eventually reveal its greater purpose. For every setback—every dashed dream and heartache—there’s a part of my future being laid out that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. I am confident that one day, I’ll view what I once considered failures as essential chapters in my story.
Just like Jessica did.
“Defending ourselves as we would for a friend is a tough yet rewarding task. Sometimes, it pays off.” —Jessica Martin, Absolutely Yes
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Summary:
This article reflects on redefining failure through the lens of Jessica Martin’s experiences and insights. It emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and kindness when facing life’s challenges, particularly in the context of motherhood and career aspirations. The narrative encourages embracing one’s choices with confidence, understanding that setbacks can lead to important life lessons and opportunities.