“Because I said so.”
I’ve found myself using this phrase more times than I’d like to admit during those moments when patience wears thin. While it may sound overly authoritative, I stand by it because it comes after thoughtful discussions about rules and choices. By the time I resort to saying “because I said so,” I’ve already given my kids the chance to share their thoughts and even negotiate. It’s about establishing boundaries when necessary.
If I were to use “because I said so” at the first hint of defiance, it would come off as authoritarian rather than educational. My aim as a parent isn’t to foster blind obedience; however, I also don’t allow my children to dictate every aspect of our lives.
I identify as an authoritative parent, which experts describe as a nurturing approach that balances warmth with the establishment of limits. This means I actively listen to my kids’ needs and concerns, but it doesn’t automatically grant them everything they want. This is where the concept of limits plays a crucial role. When you hear me say “because I said so,” I’m setting a boundary after we’ve had a thorough discussion.
Authoritarian parenting, in contrast, is characterized by rigid rules and severe punishments for disobedience. I had a friend growing up whose parents were authoritarian. She could never please them, constantly grounded and burdened with chores as punishment for not meeting impossible standards. Her childhood was far from joyful. My own parents practiced authoritative parenting—both styles might use the phrase “because I said so,” but the context varies significantly.
My kids must adhere to certain rules, but there’s room for flexibility in how they comply. Take my 13-year-old son, Ethan, for example. A while back, while driving home from school, he announced his intention to quit guitar. He’d hinted at this before, and I sensed it was more about not wanting to attend lessons that day rather than a genuine desire to quit. My instinct was to outright refuse his decision, considering the years of lessons we’d invested.
Instead, I took a moment to breathe and reflect. Ethan had just come home from school, likely tired and hungry. I let his statement linger before sharing my perspective. I suggested that quitting now would be a shame, especially since he had become quite skilled. I painted a picture of future moments—playing guitar with friends around a campfire or for his own kids someday.
Importantly, I made it clear that if he genuinely wanted to quit after some time, I would respect that choice. As a violin instructor, I understand how counterproductive it can be to force a child into an activity they dislike. However, I also added a condition: if he decided to stop playing guitar, he would need to find another activity to engage in—be it another instrument, a sport, or a club—to keep him motivated and goal-oriented. So far, he has chosen to continue with guitar, a win in my book!
Authoritative parenting isn’t about micromanaging every detail; it’s about flexibility, valuing my child’s feelings, and knowing which battles to engage in. Experts agree that of the four primary parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful—authoritative is the most effective in raising independent, socially adept, and academically successful children. Kids raised in this environment are also less likely to experience anxiety or engage in negative behaviors.
Had I adopted an authoritarian stance when Ethan expressed his desire to quit guitar, I would have disregarded his opinion completely. I would have imposed my will, believing that I knew better than he did, stripping him of the opportunity to think critically and make informed choices.
Ethan’s desire to quit guitar wasn’t a “because I said so” moment; it was an opportunity to allow him space for reflection. I’m pleased he chose to stick with it, but as an authoritative parent, if he ultimately decides to quit, I won’t prevent him. However, I would require him to engage in another activity.
Because I’m the mom, and I said so.
For more insights, check out our other blog post on classroom design or visit Medical News Today for valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. Experts at Intracervical Insemination also provide authoritative resources on this topic.
Summary:
Balancing respect for children’s independence with the need to establish boundaries is essential for effective parenting. Authoritative parenting involves listening to children while maintaining limits, fostering independence, and ensuring children engage in constructive activities. Striking this balance leads to well-adjusted, confident kids.