December 11, 2023
My phone buzzed with a new message, vibrating against the car seat beside me. I was already overwhelmed and stretched thin, having navigated a lengthy workday while managing carpool arrangements, activity schedules, and the demands of parenting.
As I gripped the steering wheel, en route to dinner with my in-laws and kids, I mentally listed the tasks I needed to tackle in the coming days. My thoughts spun with concert dates, deadlines, holiday plans, and a multitude of details I feared I would forget.
When I came to a stop, I glanced at my phone to check the text that had just arrived. That’s when it hit me—I had made a serious mistake.
The text was from my daughter’s Girl Scout leader, inquiring about my daughter’s absence from a crucial event. This gathering was the culmination of a project she had been eagerly working on with her troop. If she didn’t attend, she would miss out on an award she had been excited to earn after months of hard work.
The event was happening that very night, and I was unable to get her there. She wasn’t missing out due to a lack of effort or commitment; she was missing because I had dropped the ball.
At that moment, as my mother-in-law caught sight of my distressed expression, I burst into tears. I felt like the worst mother imaginable. How could I let my daughter’s significant achievement slip through the cracks? When did my life become so chaotic that I could barely keep up?
As I pulled into the restaurant parking lot, tears streamed down my face. My father-in-law ushered the kids inside while my mother-in-law stayed with me, allowing me to let it all out. She patiently let me have my moment, listening as I voiced my frustrations about trying to juggle everything that comes with motherhood.
Once I composed myself, my mother-in-law said gently, “You know you aren’t defined by your mistakes, right?” I accepted her offered tissue with gratitude and pondered her words.
As mothers, we strive tirelessly to ensure our children have everything they need. We juggle appointments, errands, and school activities, keeping track of preferences, dietary restrictions, and birthday gifts. We navigate the complexities of homework while soothing scrapes and enforcing rules, all while hoping our children grow up to be kind and respectful individuals.
In the midst of this whirlwind, it’s understandable that we occasionally overlook things.
Critics might claim that moms take on too much or don’t delegate enough. They could suggest that partners should pitch in more or say, “Just let it go; it was a mistake.” But mothers often struggle to do just that. We take our roles seriously, and when our errors impact our kids, guilt settles in deeply. Instead of celebrating our successes, we fixate on the one task we mishandled.
I am well aware that I’m not perfect, and I know this won’t be the last time my actions negatively affect my children. Perhaps that’s a lesson in itself—it shows them that I am human, not the superhero I sometimes pretend to be during those hectic carpool runs.
In the dim parking lot, another text buzzed my phone. It was the troop leader, offering to wait a few minutes if I could get my daughter to the event. My mother-in-law rushed into the restaurant to fetch her, and we made our way to the event. When my daughter joyfully entered the room, I realized she wouldn’t even remember my earlier mistake. She forgave me for being late, and her happiness overshadowed the minor hiccup of missing dinner with her grandparents.
I allowed myself to exhale, just this once. I am not my mistakes—at least not entirely.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the emotional challenges of motherhood, particularly when mistakes impact our children. It emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and recognizing that we are not defined by our errors. By acknowledging our humanity, we can foster resilience in ourselves and our children.