Next fall, all of my little ones will be in school full time. People often ask, “What will you do with all that free time?” My potential answers could include laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, exercising, dog-walking, responding to emails, making phone calls, settling bills, catching up with friends, writing, taking a moment for myself — all uninterrupted.
I could say as much, and perhaps I will. Yet, at this moment, I feel that it might not be enough. There’s a part of me — the self that existed before I became a mother of three — that longs to re-enter the workforce. I want to contribute to society in ways that extend beyond raising wonderful children. (And I completely respect those who choose to be stay-at-home parents. I’ve been in that role for years and understand the commitment!)
Before motherhood, I was a social worker, assisting people without homes and providing them with essential healthcare and resources. Although I’ve stepped away from that field, the social injustices in our world persist. Underneath my fulfilled heart as a mother lies an unfulfilled desire. With my kids spending more time with educators than with me, my longing to work intensifies. I yearn to help mend a world that increasingly feels beyond repair.
Beyond altruism, I’m also considering my future self at 50. When my children graduate and I face an empty nest, I wonder if I’ll even remember who I was before they came along and reshaped my identity. If I don’t begin to reclaim my sense of self soon, I fear I might disappear entirely.
Three close friends of mine maintained their careers after becoming mothers, and I’ve started chatting with them to learn about their experiences. They seem confident in balancing motherhood and their professional lives, clear on their needs and desires. Each of them returned to work after maternity leave, keeping in touch with their pre-parenting identities — a connection I lost when I dove headfirst into motherhood.
When I observe my working mom friends, they confidently embrace their dual roles. Yet, when I look at myself, I see a weary, disheveled mom staring back, her eyes lacking the sparkle I once had. Where did my passion go? It seems to be buried beneath a layer of fear.
It’s often considered taboo to express regret, but I can’t help wishing I had maintained a foothold in the working world. Had I done so, I might not feel so daunted by the prospect of re-entering it now. Author Jack Canfield wisely states, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I believe him. I know this because I felt apprehensive before embarking on my journey into motherhood, yet I took that leap. I’m navigating the complexities of raising three children every day.
Confronting my fears has led me to motherhood, and I believe confronting them again will guide me back into the workforce. This doesn’t mean I will cease being a mother. I will tackle this new chapter as I have tackled others — with determination, a bit of chaos, and a profound love for my family and myself.
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In summary, as I reflect on my motherhood journey, I acknowledge the regret of not balancing work and family life sooner. The challenge of rediscovering my professional self amidst motherhood is daunting, yet I am determined to embrace both identities with love and resilience.