The recent surge of the 10-year challenge on social media got me thinking about how far I’ve come since 2009. Back then, I was a brand-new mom to twin girls, feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of tiny diapers, bottles, breast pumps, and tears—mine and theirs. I was in the thick of it all, often feeling utterly alone with two wailing babies. When anyone asked how I was doing, I resorted to the usual responses: “I’m fine.” “We’re fine.” “Everything is just fine.”
In truth, I was exhausted, hormonal, and stubbornly resistant to asking for help. Even though I had a partner, who was equally struggling, I insisted, “I’ve got this.” This really meant, “Please read my mind and step in where I need support, which I won’t actually ask for.” He was left trying to figure out whether to grab a bottle or run for the hills.
If this sounds familiar, congratulations! But for me, I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I was a hot mess a decade ago. Back then, I would have gone to great lengths to conceal my struggles from anyone who dared to step into my world. When you repeatedly declare there’s “nothing to see here,” people either start to believe you or begin to hesitate in approaching you. Either way, I found myself stranded on my own little island of isolation, far from any potential help.
Ten years ago, I was submerged in the overwhelming waves of motherhood, barely managing to keep my head above water while simultaneously being head-over-heels in love with my daughters. My focus was on surviving one day at a time, ensuring their needs were met, and trying to follow the age-old advice of “sleep when they sleep.”
At that time, survival was my only reality. We weren’t exactly thriving, but we could certainly put on a show and appear “fine” to the outside world if given enough time to prepare.
Perspective is everything, my friends. I had no idea how fleeting time would be—what felt like years was really just months. I also didn’t understand that asking for help didn’t make me a bad mother; it made me honest and sane. My “fine” was a prison I willingly stayed locked in for far too long. I unintentionally pushed my husband away with my wall of “I’m fine,” missing out on moments of tranquility amidst the chaos.
From my narrow perspective, I believed I was doing everything right. As the primary caregiver, I found it tough to relinquish any parenting duties, fearing that if I couldn’t handle it all, I was failing. I was my own worst critic, all while maintaining a facade of everything being perfectly fine.
Looking back, I wish I could give that new mother a hug. I’d let her sleep for five uninterrupted hours and remind her that this stage is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of motherhood. If only she could see how much easier things would become! I can only imagine how perplexed she would be to hear me laughing about it today.
Perspective can be a double-edged sword. It can blind us and make us deaf to the realities around us, yet it’s also the driving force behind our actions. We cling to our version of the truth, which shapes our reality, while the world keeps turning outside our limited view. What good does that do us?
The weary mom in that snapshot just took her babies for their vaccinations. The only way they would settle down for a nap was nestled against me. I can still recall the sweet scent of their hair. I remember my sister capturing that moment and my own thoughts of, “I look awful and just want to sleep; can’t you give me a moment?”
In 2009, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. We can’t blame ourselves for what we didn’t know back then. What we can do is strive to be better with the understanding we have now. My daughters are now in fifth grade, and they still occasionally snuggle up to me as they fall asleep. The difference is, I now cherish those moments rather than feeling overwhelmed. My perspective has shifted; I see things more clearly now.
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In summary, the 10-year challenge serves as a powerful reminder of how much can change in a decade, especially in the realm of motherhood. Reflecting on my past experiences has allowed me to embrace the joys and challenges of parenting with a clearer perspective.