There’s no secret formula or ancient wisdom passed down on how to navigate the challenges of parenting over the past twenty-five years. Essentially, we’ve been inventing this journey as we go along. Just this week, our firstborn gave us a new title: “in-laws,” as he tied the knot with the lovely girl from down the street.
Throughout this adventure, we received plenty of well-meaning advice and had some remarkable role models, but for the most part, we were charting our own course—often without a clear map (or with a map turned upside down in the dark so as not to wake the baby). The only times we received any real oversight were few and far between. One memorable occasion was when we left the hospital with our newborn and someone checked our car seat installation to ensure it was secure. Then, a few years later, when our son was around three, the daycare asked me to clarify why he told them he spent the weekend in a cabinet. “Cabin,” I corrected. We had gone to a state park, and it rained the entire time, leaving us holed up in the cabin. But hey, thanks for looking out for us!
Mostly, we learned as we went along, forging our path in real-time. I had close friends who were also new moms, and we exchanged questions and shared experiences long before the internet provided answers—perhaps that was for the best. We went from sleeping our 1991 babies on their stomachs to flipping the script in 1993 and placing them on their backs. We had baby walkers with wheels, only to see those banned before our next child arrived. What a whirlwind! There was no time to pause and wonder if we were unwitting participants in a parenting experiment; we just kept adapting and learning.
Our son had his own timelines—he didn’t speak much at first and then suddenly was chatting in full sentences. He was late to walk, ride a bike, and even to swim. But in the end, he did all those things just fine. If only I could reclaim the sleepless nights spent worrying over those “delays.” Now, however, I lose sleep over his teenage driving and late-night returns from parties. That’s a different category of “late” that keeps parents up at night.
When he expressed a desire to walk two miles to kindergarten like some of his friends (who lived much closer), we obliged—along with his toddler brother in a stroller. It wasn’t the best decision, and I ended up carrying him on my back the last few blocks, encouraging him to hang on tight like a baby monkey at the zoo. Lesson learned: “monkey-tight” is not a sustainable transportation method.
With the arrival of our third child, we upgraded to a larger home with three bedrooms: small, medium, and large. Naturally, we claimed the largest room, put the boys in the medium room, and set the baby girl in the smallest. However, the boys quickly drafted a list of reasons why they deserved the bigger room, citing that they had friends over and all we did was sleep in ours. They argued that having more space would allow them to set up their Lego villages and Playmobil worlds. It was a compelling case, and they won the room swap.
Years later, that same son, now eleven, compiled a list of all the adults shorter than he was who had the privilege of sitting in the front seat of cars. His determination to ride shotgun was solid reasoning.
Through this journey, we’ve encountered grace amid difficult questions, often accompanied by tears. When his classmate unexpectedly passed away in third grade, he demanded to know how God could allow such a tragedy. I replied honestly, “I don’t know, but when I have coffee with God, this will be the first question I ask.” That conversation opened a floodgate of questions for future discussions over coffee.
A year later, when we had to share the news of my cancer diagnosis, he innocently asked if I was going to die. I answered with a heavy heart: “Yes, but not from this.” Those were hard lessons to share.
Life continued to throw lessons our way: a mountain of ball bearings is not a suitable support for a minivan; baseball uniforms are acceptable attire for award ceremonies; lacrosse is indeed a contact sport; knowledge of Spanish is invaluable; and playing guitar for others is a special gift. Time spent with grandparents is priceless, while days at the beach or ballpark are never wasted. Picky eating can vanish overnight, and the bond between brothers is unbreakable. We learned to countersteer through icy spins and to run arm-in-arm across the finish line at the National Race for the Cure. We shared struggles, joys, ice cream, music, and memories. And let’s not forget to hang that grad school diploma with pride!
Then, when you discover that the right partner was just down the street all along, sharing evening walks and late-night talks in her treehouse, it all clicks into place. You make lists of top-five movies to watch together, go to college side by side, travel on service trips, create bridges, and enjoy vacations together. You truly begin to “just know.”
As your brother remarked on your engagement: “Zero people are surprised, and 100% of those who know you both are thrilled.” Not too shabby for navigating this journey without a map. We set the navigational beacons, and you charted the course ahead. Godspeed to you and your beautiful bride.
Sometimes, you hold on tight, and other times, you gently let go.
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In conclusion, the parenting journey is filled with lessons, challenges, and priceless moments that shape both parents and children. Embrace the chaos, cherish the memories, and remember: you’re not alone in this adventure.