In a previous chapter of my life, I was a dedicated runner. Before parenthood changed everything, I was a painter, a passionate musician, and an insatiable reader. While many find ways to integrate their passions into the hectic life of parenting, I struggled to maintain that connection.
With the arrival of my first child, I was overwhelmed by the demands of daily life, compounded by postpartum depression and the absence of nearby family or friends for support. I felt myself gradually fading into a new identity—one that didn’t resonate with who I was before. I often pondered the person I used to be, longing for the days when I was just me, not just a wife and mother. The shift was so profound that it left little space for my own needs.
For 16 years, I found solace in running, wearing my favorite dark blue baseball cap as I traversed the diverse landscapes of Washington state. Running was my escape, a therapeutic release that allowed me to cope with life’s challenges. Regardless of the weather, running was a constant in my life—a high that made everything feel manageable.
After getting married and relocating, my life became more complex. A running injury, a new house, a new job, and the impending arrival of my first baby all led to a gradual halt in my running routine. Motherhood thrust me into chaos, with mild postpartum depression and an exhaustion I had never experienced. My beloved running hat was relegated to a forgotten hook in the closet. When my second child arrived 17 months later, I slipped further into a deeper depression.
I yearned to reclaim the simplicity of running, where every step could erase my worries. I craved the feelings of joy and liberation that running once brought me. I missed that version of myself—the vibrant, independent woman who felt empowered rather than defeated by the responsibilities of motherhood. I longed to navigate trails and streams again, both literally and metaphorically.
Attempting to run again proved challenging. I was out of shape, tired, and often discouraged. Each time I tried, I would quit, sometimes in tears, other times in frustration. Walking was my only reprieve until I admitted defeat and returned home. Running had become as complicated as the rest of my life. Everything felt foreign.
The early years of motherhood can be overwhelming. Even amidst the joys and laughter, the memory of who we used to be lingers, and we often question how long we can hold onto that memory before it fades away completely. We ponder whether we will ever rediscover that person and how we can forge ahead with such a significant part of ourselves seemingly absent.
It’s easy to lose sight of ourselves in the whirlwind of parenting. Yet, we navigate each day, addressing challenges one at a time—hour by hour, moment by moment. The initial years of motherhood are often conquered one step at a time.
One afternoon, nearly six years later, I stumbled upon my running hat, now obscured by several jackets. The brim had faded from years spent shielding me from rain during my runs in the Pacific Northwest. I placed the cap on my head, laced up my shoes, and stepped outside. Despite my slow pace and burning chest, I persevered. Within minutes, everything faded away except for my breath. I found a rhythm that felt familiar, as my body fell back into the pattern it had known for years. My legs and lungs remembered who I was, and as I continued to run, I reconnected with that part of myself I thought was lost.
In that moment, I realized that the woman I once was had never truly vanished; she had merely taken a step back to allow me to be the mother and partner my family needed. She was waiting patiently for the day I would reclaim my freedom and take a step forward. As I ran down the final stretch, I embraced the past eight years, knowing that I had no time to waste. My old self and I were reunited, ready to make up for lost time.
Rediscovering oneself requires time, patience, and perseverance. It’s a process that will unfold, and regardless of how you feel, you are doing better than you might believe. Don’t forget your former self amid the chaotic journey of parenthood. She remains a part of you—just waiting for the right moment to reemerge. Until then, take each day one step at a time.
For those exploring similar journeys, consider checking out resources like Cleveland Clinic’s guide on intrauterine insemination or exercise tips that can support your wellness as you navigate these changes. If you’re interested in starting your own family journey, don’t miss out on exploring the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit.
Summary:
This article reflects on the journey of rediscovering oneself after the demands of motherhood overshadow personal identity. It illustrates the struggle of balancing family responsibilities while longing for the independence and joy that once defined the author’s life. Through perseverance and small steps, the author reconnects with her former self, emphasizing the importance of patience and self-discovery in the parenting journey.