A few Saturdays ago, I found myself in Target with my three teenage kids, and it seemed like the entire town had also decided to stock up on Easter treats and household essentials. As we made our way to the checkout, we encountered a toddler in front of us who was having an enormous meltdown in the self-checkout line.
Anyone who has navigated that chaotic line knows it’s stressful enough without adding a screaming child who’s banging on the cart with a box of tissues while you’re trying to input how many apples you’re purchasing. It felt like a scene from a nightmare.
As we stood there, my youngest remarked, “Mom, I really feel for that guy. He’s alone with two kids—one clinging to his leg and the other desperate to escape.” I completely agreed; I recalled countless instances when I was out with my three kids, feeling equally overwhelmed. The days of public tantrums over not getting candy or being stuck in a place that smelled odd are behind us, and I’m grateful for that. Teens can be challenging too, but at least they no longer throw fits over missing out on a container of Tic-Tacs.
As I shared some of our past shopping experiences, my teens chuckled, reminiscing about the chaos we had endured together. However, our laughter was interrupted by two older women behind us who began offering unsolicited parenting advice, claiming their kids never acted out in public. “If those were my kids,” one of them said, “they would never behave like that.”
Here we go again, I thought. It’s a familiar narrative that we often witness, both in real life and on social media. Comments like “If they were my kids, I’d show them who’s boss” or “Their parents must be lazy” are all too common.
Let’s be real: the implication that your children are perfect little robots who never misbehave is absurd. All kids have their moments of sadness, frustration, and tantrums. They might be exhausted, hungry, or feeling unwell, and sometimes they just can’t articulate what’s bothering them. Maybe they had a rough night because of a sibling’s cough, or perhaps they’re dealing with discomfort from teething. You never know the backstory.
I once witnessed a family at a fast-food restaurant where a toddler was having a complete meltdown. The parents had to take him outside to calm down, and I noticed several judgmental glances directed their way. Later, when they returned, I learned they were on their first road trip and the child hadn’t had a bowel movement in four days. The relief was palpable when he exclaimed, “The poop finally came outta my butt!” If I were in that situation, I’d probably lose it too.
So, when you see a child misbehaving in public, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Just because you think you could do better, or your kids never pull stunts like that, doesn’t mean you have all the answers. Your comments—whether made online or as passive-aggressive remarks in line—don’t help anyone and only serve to make you look rude.
Parents are already under immense pressure, and having someone criticize their efforts only adds to their stress. You don’t know their child or their circumstances, so it’s wise to stay silent. Remember, children are not mini-adults; they are learning how to navigate their emotions. In fact, I see far more rude behavior from adults in public than I do from kids.
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Summary: Being judgmental about a child’s public outburst is unhelpful and often misguided. Kids have their struggles, and parents are doing their best. Instead of criticizing, we should show empathy and understanding.