As a woman who has navigated life both before and after motherhood, I’ve experienced the complexities of femininity firsthand. My journey began as a tomboy and evolved into an attempt at mastering the art of the cat eye, a skill I never quite acquired. Regardless of my fashion choices or career aspirations, the surprises (and occasional disappointments) of being a woman in today’s workforce have been eye-opening.
Through my writing about raising daughters, I’ve confronted numerous issues, from challenging the notion of “Real Women” to expressing my outrage about the trivialization of violence against women and the prevalence of sexual abuse. I’ve also voiced concerns about the impact of societal beauty standards on my daughters’ self-image.
Most recently, the #ImNoAngel campaign has sparked significant debate among women. Launched by Lane Bryant, it aims to counter the images perpetuated by the Victoria’s Secret Angels and seeks to “redefine sexy.” I understand the sentiment. Walking through a mall, I have seen the alluring displays featuring flawlessly airbrushed models that often leave ordinary women feeling inadequate. The hype surrounding the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has also contributed to these feelings of unworthiness.
However, I question whether the answer is to strip “sexy” from anyone. Instead, shouldn’t we be advocating for inclusivity? Why not assert that feeling sexy is just one facet of our humanity? Our perceptions of what makes us feel attractive will naturally evolve over time.
The hashtag #ImNoAngel, while clever from a marketing perspective, doesn’t offer a constructive solution. As a mother and a woman, I feel we are once again caught in a cycle of competition—pitched against one another in a struggle for validation. The campaign’s binary approach reinforces a hierarchy of womanhood, where being either an “angel” or “not” implies a judgment on authenticity.
I find myself caught in the middle: never quite fitting the mold of plus-size but not fitting into the slender category either. I cherish the feeling of being desired, but I value even more the strength that comes from embracing my multifaceted identity. I am intelligent, tall, bilingual, humorous, crafty, curvy, and sinewy. I embody both strength and sensitivity.
In our culture, sex and scandal often dominate attention. The decision to vilify women over a size 10 has pushed brands like Lane Bryant to adopt a provocative stance to gain visibility. While I understand their tactics, I wish to support them without feeling like we are participating in a battle we never initiated.
My aspiration is for each of my three daughters—who each have their unique body types and interests—to feel recognized and valued. I don’t want them to be in competition over who is more attractive or feminine. I hope for clothing options that cater to my middle child’s broad shoulders and long torso, edgy styles for my adventurous oldest, and durable designs for my youngest, who is athletically inclined. It’s crucial that we acknowledge that body shape and personal style do not determine a woman’s worth.
None of us are angels; we are complex, incredible women.
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In summary, we must empower our daughters to embrace their individuality and reject limiting standards of beauty. Let’s strive for a world where every woman is celebrated for her unique attributes rather than held to unrealistic ideals.