Before I became a parent, I held a specific belief: allowing a child to negotiate, express discontent, or persuade you otherwise only breeds entitlement. I swore I would never let that happen to my children; I would always be in control.
I admit this freely, knowing many parents likely shared similar thoughts before their own little ones came along. It’s easy to judge from the sidelines—like during a quiet dinner, witnessing a toddler yell, “I don’t like you!” at their parent. Your instinct might be to think unkindly, especially if you’ve never experienced such chaos firsthand. Anyone who has responded to that outburst with understanding must have been far more gracious than I was back then.
Most parents are determined not to raise self-centered individuals, and we know it’s our responsibility to guide them. However, just because you see a parent discussing options with their child or allowing them to express their feelings doesn’t mean they believe their child is a precious snowflake entitled to everything. Nor does it imply the child is spoiled or incapable of thriving in the real world. If you form judgments based on a couple of minutes of observation, you might want to reconsider your stance.
Every family has its own approach to parenting. Sometimes, we negotiate; other times, we listen because our kids present valid arguments. They are individuals with feelings, and their voices hold significance. For example, when my son once requested to buy a set of red plastic cups, I initially hesitated—not out of fear of judgment from other parents for letting him have shot glasses but because I could already envision the mess they might cause. Yet, when he shared how much he wanted them for drinking milk in mini portions, I realized the importance of empathy. I was letting him express himself, and that was a valuable lesson for both of us.
Now, my son enjoys sipping milk from those cups, extending his pinky as if he were at a fancy dinner. His delight in those glasses is one of my best parenting investments. He remains respectful and grateful, even when I change my mind.
Children are intelligent and deserve the chance to make choices, even if our first instinct is to overrule them for convenience or because we’re simply exhausted. The reality is, they are human and need space to learn from their own decisions. Small lessons today can grow into significant understanding as they mature.
When my son faced criticism for wearing a necklace because he was a boy, his response was remarkable: “I like it, and someone I care about gave it to me, so I will wear it.” If I had conditioned him to remain silent, he might not have developed the confidence to stand up for himself.
Allowing our children to express their thoughts not only gives them a voice but also instills the confidence they need to advocate for themselves and others. This practice is crucial, as they must learn to navigate the world with assurance, not as passive observers. I refuse to wait until my children are adults to teach them the value of their opinions; they deserve to express themselves now.
If raising confident, articulate children means they are labeled as “special snowflakes,” then so be it. We live in 2023, and parenting has evolved. We encourage our children to explore choices and experiences that can lead to better futures—this is a noble pursuit. The mantra of “know better, do better” resonates deeply with me, and I strive to embody this in my parenting. If my children reflect this philosophy, I consider my efforts successful.
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In summary, fostering good humans involves listening, negotiating, and allowing children to express themselves. Embracing this approach today prepares them for a respectful, confident future, beyond outdated labels.