Dear Friend,
This message isn’t meant for my son, because let’s face it, teenagers don’t really read heartfelt notes from their mothers—it’s just how it is. Rather, this is a reflection on what it means to navigate the tumultuous waters of parenting a teenager.
My son just turned 16, and like his previous birthdays, this one felt momentous. Yet, it was more than just the age; it was a culmination of feelings that I sensed brewing within me long before the day arrived.
When he turned 13, I penned him a letter. But it was like having a swarm of bees buzzing in my chest – not stinging, but alive with urgency. Initially, it felt like anxiety, but it morphed into anticipation.
As days went by, I pondered my emotions. Raising teenagers gives you ample time for introspection, often leaving little room for conversation. So, I sat quietly with my buzzing feelings. There was excitement, certainly, but also a tinge of uncertainty and sadness. I didn’t fully understand what these emotions meant, so I chose to contain them, holding them close. What else can you do when you can’t quite articulate your feelings?
When the birthday arrived, I felt an overwhelming urge to share my thoughts, but there was no one to listen. Perhaps those bees were desperate to escape. But I held them back.
Regrettably, my son’s 16th birthday was low-key. It fell on a school day, and he didn’t want a big celebration. With a packed schedule, we couldn’t manage a family dinner, which likely would have turned chaotic with two toddlers around. Isn’t 16 supposed to be a milestone?
I got him a gym membership for a bit of independence and initiated a retirement fund for his future. Then, we indulged in a slice of cookie cake and attended an R-rated film that focused on mental health—his choice.
The car ride to the theater was filled with silence, which felt uncomfortable for me, yet I was proud to practice the “don’t talk all the time, Mom” routine, just enjoying his company. It was a moment of honor, allowing him to simply exist without pressure.
On the way back, he quizzed me about my interpretation of the film, correcting my use of the word “commodity.” And through it all, I continued to feel the buzzing of the bees within me.
After returning home, my husband was already in bed, and my son hurried upstairs for a shower. I stood alone in the dim light, reeling from the film and a peculiar debate about vocabulary. Just me and the bees, stirring and restless.
In that moment, I realized those bees represented my unspoken words, yearning to be released. But I hesitated because they were tinged with sadness.
So why share this with you, Friend? Well, I simply couldn’t keep the buzzing inside any longer. Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Carrying these thoughts became unbearable.
We need to talk about the challenges of this stage in motherhood. It’s undeniably tough. The relationships we have with our teenage sons can be complicated. Regardless of how much love fills your heart—believe me, I have an abundance for this kid—it doesn’t make the struggles any easier.
It doesn’t matter if your teen is chatty or quiet, or if you’ve enjoyed a close bond that now seems distant. It doesn’t matter how many sweet treats you offer or how many outings you plan. The weight of love doesn’t translate into easy communication.
If you find yourself grappling with these challenges, remember, you’re not alone. Other parents are wrestling with similar feelings, even if they appear composed on the surface. They too feel the sting of watching their children navigate this tumultuous phase.
You are not isolated in this experience. This season will pass, and things will inevitably change.
Thank you for listening, Friend. I think it’s finally time to write that letter to my birthday boy. He deserves to know just how much I love him, even if he won’t fully grasp it until years down the line.
Keep pushing on, Fellow Moms. You’ve got this!
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In summary, parenting a teenager is an emotional journey filled with both challenges and love. The feelings can often feel overwhelming, but it’s crucial to know that you’re not alone in this experience, and there is hope for connection in the future.