I know which of my children drifts off to sleep with her arms outstretched and which one typically awakens with an insatiable appetite. I can tell you who craves a hug and who prefers to keep her distance. I recognize the distinct sounds of their footsteps, often accompanied by giggles as they navigate their mischief. I know the artist among them who delights in coloring and the dreamer who loses herself in vivid imaginary realms. I cherish the little secrets shared during our quiet moments on the porch while we watch a rainstorm together.
Sitting on the floor with them, I marvel at their imaginative creations and their delight as they build the tallest tower they’ve ever constructed. I find joy in spontaneous dances in the middle of the day, when we all just need a bit of silliness. I shower them with kisses and cuddles, reminding them, “Sweetheart, don’t you know how courageous you are?”
I strive to be a good mother.
But then, something inevitably goes awry—a toy falls, a drink spills, or a request is ignored. They play too roughly, take their time responding, or utter words I’ve asked them not to say. They act like children, and I falter.
In an instant, I transform into the mother I promised myself I wouldn’t be. My voice rises, and I yell. My children freeze, their attention captured. At that moment, I am no longer composed; I become a frazzled, impatient, overwhelmed mom, losing my patience and lashing out at my kids.
I feel like a terrible mother—a complete failure.
Doubt creeps in. I worry that I’m going to irreparably damage my children. How will they reconcile the fun-loving, creative mom who lets them have ice cream for dinner just because it’s Tuesday with the frustrated woman who shatters when they take too long to tidy up?
The swiftness of this emotional shift astonishes me. I question my ability to nurture my children with love, confidence, and resilience.
Am I alone in feeling that I pour my heart and soul into this parenting journey, yet it still feels inadequate?
I can’t be the only mom who feels this way. Surely, I’m not.
We often find ourselves comparing our parenting to that of others, mentally noting our perceived shortcomings: the laundry left undone, the unfinished projects, the disorganized kitchen. We snap at our children, forget to return calls, and struggle to embrace every moment. We don’t rise early for a workout, don’t prepare every meal from scratch, and find ourselves exhausted, late, and overwhelmed.
We seem to have it all together until we don’t. We show patience until we hit our limit. We acknowledge grace until we lose sight of it.
And therein lies the key.
It’s not that grace has vanished; it’s that we’ve become blind to it.
When we focus solely on the shadows, we overlook the light shining around us.
We feel like failures because we compare ourselves to an unrealistic ideal. We envision a mom with a perfect marriage, a fit body because she rises at dawn to exercise, prepares gourmet organic meals, maintains spotless bathrooms, has perfectly behaved children, leads the PTA, and somehow finds time to deliver meals to neighbors after volunteering at church. These are unattainable standards that distort our perception and make us feel inadequate.
These false benchmarks cloud our judgment and prevent us from recognizing the grace illuminating our lives. When we resist these impossible expectations, we begin to see the beauty in our ordinary moments, like stars piercing through the darkness.
Dear mom, if you’re feeling like you’re falling short, know that you’re not. You’re doing an admirable job.
Your children don’t require a mother who is preoccupied with perfection or comparisons; they need a mom who loves deeply, lives fully, and is wholeheartedly present.
Let go of the need to maintain a façade of perfection. Instead, focus on infusing love into the small moments.
It’s love that erases the feelings of inadequacy. Simple acts of love—waking up each day, playing in the pool with your little ones, cooking meal after meal—remind us that every moment counts and that grace resides in the everyday. This love allows us to take a breath, put one foot in front of the other, and view the journey of raising children as a beautiful, chaotic adventure.
Love is expansive, resilient, and wild. It is fierce as we comfort our children, kiss their scraped knees, or cradle their hearts during difficult times. Love demands sacrifice and courage, serving as a gentle reminder that it ultimately prevails.
Love is what your children perceive when they look at you.
So, mothers, you are not failing; you are loving your children fiercely. Silence the nagging doubts and the voices urging you to do more or be more. Embrace yourself with the same fierce love you offer your kids. Continue doing what you’re doing, taking each small step with great love, and take a moment to appreciate the magical life you’ve created together.
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