It’s frustrating to think about public schooling; I don’t want one that’s merely improving; I would prefer one that’s already thriving. Out of all the alternatives—moving, private institutions, or parochial education—the most feasible option remains home-schooling. While I admire the home-schooling approach, it would mean I’d be the primary instructor, which I simply don’t want to take on.
In an effort to ease my mind, I’ve decided we’ll enroll our children in the progressing public school and commit to being highly involved parents. We’ll fundraise, engage in enrichment activities (which I whimsically imagine as “buttery indulgences”), and cart them off to after-school coding camps, all while blending bedtime stories with Mandarin flashcards. In essence, we’ll hover over them like typical “helicopter” parents. Upon reflection, I realized that my plan essentially creates a situation that’s half public school and half home-schooling.
Recently, Sarah Johnson, a writer and mother who has lived both in France and the U.S., published an insightful article on Quartz titled “France’s Effective Approach to Reducing Helicopter Parenting Benefits Women.”
To embrace a more “French” parenting style would require me to challenge our entire societal norms, which feels daunting.
The article outlines the French school day, which is longer than the standard U.S. schedule (running from 8:20 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.), serving as both education and childcare. It includes delicious, nutritious lunches and bi-weekly after-school classes and sports. Johnson points out the absence of helicopter parenting in France; parents don’t have constant access to their children’s teachers, nor are they expected to engage in fundraising or volunteer activities during working hours. They can focus on their jobs, secure in the knowledge that their children are well cared for, educated, and fed. After all, as Johnson aptly notes, “public education shouldn’t be a mix of home-schooling.”
This perspective resonates with many parents like me, but I often find myself feeling somewhat resentful, thinking, “That’s wonderful for France.” Pamela Thompson’s detailed exploration of parenting in France versus the U.S., Raising Kids the French Way, was released around the same time I became a parent and began to contemplate “how” I should raise my children. (I use “how” in quotes because many times, parenting feels more about managing circumstances than making deliberate choices.) While Raising Kids the French Way provided captivating insights into another culture, it fell short as a practical guide; adopting a more “French” approach would mean resisting an entire culture single-handedly. Just try to protest the regular sugary treats at preschool, especially during birthday celebrations, and see how other parents react. Or attempt to establish a fixed snack time while your child’s peers munch on crackers all day.
Public schools in the U.S. vary dramatically; the disparity between the highest and lowest performing students is staggering. The “good” public schools—often defined as affluent—thrive because of engaged and wealthy parent communities. For those of us in middle or lower-income brackets, our children’s academic success heavily depends on our commitment to fundraising, tutoring, and maintaining communication with teachers. It’s alarming that a third of America’s fourth-graders struggle to read at grade level. The issue isn’t that I’m a helicopter mom; it’s that our educational system is fundamentally flawed.
Johnson highlights this concern: “In structural terms, mothers are pushed out of the workforce and into a role defined solely by their motherhood. They find themselves funnelled into a school system that lacks funding, teachers, resources, and basic supplies. This is largely due to societal skepticism, particularly from certain political groups, towards quality public education for all.”
Yet, one must ask why more U.S. citizens don’t support higher taxes to enhance education and childcare rather than relying on mothers to fill the gaps. When local schools are subpar and the stakes for not attending college are high, mothers will do whatever it takes to secure their children’s future.
This situation is disappointing. It’s disheartening that our country provides so little support for families and maintains such low standards for public education. I suspect that those opposed to universal high-quality daycare are often those who already have their needs met.
Johnson proposes that instead of hovering, mothers should focus on their own professional and personal pursuits or advocate for improved childcare and educational opportunities for everyone. While this is a commendable idea, it may not be realistic for parents like me, who feel that our involvement is critical to preventing our children from falling behind academically. It’s clear that American parents won’t step back from overseeing their children’s education until there’s a significant improvement in school quality.
The headline “France’s Effective Approach to Reducing Helicopter Parenting” sounds overly simplistic. Revamping our educational and childcare systems, parental leave policies, and the broader economy—our entire societal fabric—is a complex challenge. While I recognize the necessity for engaging content, this headline feels akin to “France’s One Simple Trick…”
Though I appreciate the discussion about international practices, it’s disheartening that even Johnson’s article casts some blame on mothers: “[T]eachers operate without the constant parental interference that’s typical in the U.S. Spending hours each afternoon chatting with demanding moms isn’t part of their job description.” Framing mothers as “overbearing” or “helicoptering”—a derogatory term—places a significant portion of the responsibility on them, even as they respond logically to uncertain educational environments. When local schools are inadequate, and the cost of not pursuing higher education is steep, mothers will go to great lengths to ensure their kids thrive. That’s simply part of their role.
Absolutely, we should advocate for longer school days, equitable funding to alleviate the impacts of poverty, social programs targeting poverty, and well-trained, fairly compensated teachers. However, it’s crucial to avoid framing this issue solely as a “mother problem”—“Kids need to develop independence without mom hovering” can sound dismissive rather than acknowledging it as a collective issue.
In summary, public education should not require parents to adopt a hybrid model of home-schooling to ensure their children succeed. As we aim to create a more supportive educational system, we must recognize the shared responsibility in this challenge.