Before proceeding, take a moment to close your eyes and think back to your most joyful childhood memory. What do you see? What were you doing, and who was by your side?
For many, including myself, those vivid recollections often feature friends rather than parents. Dr. Michael Thompson, author of Homesick and Happy: How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow, notes that in discussions with parent groups, only about 20% recall memorable family vacations or special holidays. An astounding 80% reflect on adventures with peers, exploring the world independently without parental oversight.
Yes, away from us.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on Thompson’s insightful work as my 9-year-old daughter, Lily, prepares for her first sleepaway camp experience. I, too, attended sleepaway camp after fourth grade, and it was one of the highlights of my youth—filled with inside jokes, wonderful counselors, and all the fun of canoeing and making s’mores. While I’m thrilled for Lily, I can’t help but feel anxious. What if she doesn’t enjoy it? What if she loves it?
My mother once told me that my own camp experience made her realize parenting isn’t always about meeting a child’s constant needs. At the time, I didn’t understand, but now I do. My little girl has transformed from a tiny baby needing round-the-clock care to a capable child ready for two weeks of independence (with plenty of adult supervision, of course). It was Lily who expressed interest in attending this year, likely inspired by my stories of camp and its importance in my life.
Isn’t this what we want for our children? To foster independence and encourage them to take steps toward making their own way in the world? Thompson argues convincingly that time away from home and school allows children to discover their inner strength and gain critical life skills. Most importantly, he believes that providing freedom from our protective instincts—no matter how well-meaning—is a valuable gift we can offer our kids. As he puts it, “We cannot keep our children perfectly safe, but we can drive them crazy trying.”
It’s daunting.
Perhaps Lily will arrive at camp and feel so homesick that she begs to come home after just a few days. I’m prepared for that possibility. Yet, I must also brace myself for the chance that she might love it so much she’ll be upset—possibly even angry—when we come to pick her up.
During those July days, while I fret about how she’s managing and my mind races with what could go wrong, she might not think about me at all. And that’s perfectly okay. I hope those two weeks will be liberating and exhilarating for her, even if they are bittersweet for me.
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In summary, giving children the chance to step away from parents fosters independence and personal growth. Embracing this opportunity may be challenging for parents, but it ultimately benefits our children’s development and self-confidence.