Almost a decade ago, my ex-husband revealed to me that he had been unfaithful with a colleague. At the time, our children were just 4, 5, and 7 years old. The next morning, after a sleepless night filled with anxiety and nausea, I looked at them and knew I had to try to make our marriage work for their sake. I couldn’t bear the thought of disrupting their lives; they were everything to me, and I was determined to shield them from any pain.
Despite our efforts, we eventually divorced. We had good moments together, but ultimately, we realized that staying together was more harmful than separating. Our unhappiness was affecting the kids, and we agreed that it was time to part ways.
I won’t deny that I’ve felt the urge to confront him about his affair, especially when my kids seem to favor him over me, or when they question my actions during our marriage. There have been moments when their loyalty to him has hurt me, and I’ve wanted to tell them the truth: “You don’t understand; this was his fault, not mine.” But deep down, I know they don’t need to hear that.
They don’t need to know how often I was alone with them, believing he was working late. They don’t need to hear about the family outings he skipped to be with someone else or the toll his betrayal took on our home life. They certainly don’t need to know how I spent sleepless nights after his confession, wondering what my next steps would be.
While I never thought I could betray my family, I believe he has let them down too. Still, if the truth ever comes to light, I would protect him. I would deny the affair until my last breath, not for his sake, but for theirs. My children adore their father; he is a loving parent who has made significant sacrifices, including losing our marriage and only seeing them part-time. They cherish their time with him, and he has given them experiences that have built their confidence.
I want my kids to see their father as the good man he is, not as someone who was unfaithful to me. Revealing his betrayal would create a rift they couldn’t unsee. Their perceptions of him and their feelings toward him should not be clouded by our past issues.
The affair is a chapter between me and him. The challenges we faced in our marriage belong solely to us. While infidelity felt overwhelming at the time, we’ve both moved on, and now we deserve to be happy. To achieve that, I’ve had to let go. If my kids were to discover the truth, it would reopen old wounds, and I would never want to impose that pain on them.
So yes, I would lie if necessary, even if his former partner came forward herself. My children don’t need to know every detail about their father’s past mistakes. What matters is that they know he loves them, is a good person, and strives to be the best dad he can be. That’s enough. The burden of his choices is not theirs to bear.
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In Summary
While it’s tempting to reveal the truth about my ex-husband’s affair, I choose to protect my children from that burden. Their view of their father as a loving, devoted parent is what truly matters, and I will do everything in my power to maintain that perception.