In the often chaotic realm of motherhood, we can find ourselves submerged under the weight of familial and societal expectations. There comes a moment when you glance in the mirror and question the reflection staring back at you. You’ve been lost—overwhelmed, and merely going through the motions of daily life. Where is that person who once seemed to have everything under control? The one who offered wisdom to others about achieving balance? That version of yourself feels miles away.
As mothers, we frequently place our needs at the very bottom of our priority list, believing this is the hallmark of being a good mom. We sacrifice the stylish shoes we desire because our child needs another shirt that they’ll quickly outgrow. We postpone gym sessions, thinking the scarce time we have should be dedicated to our kids. We eat hurriedly in the kitchen, skip hair washes more often than we’d like (it’s a reality for many), and fill our calendars with endless activities for our children.
There are valid reasons for this behavior. First, our love for our children compels us to prioritize them. Secondly, we are inundated with images of “perfect” mothers on social media and articles urging women to excel in all aspects of life. But what happens when we stretch ourselves too thin? In our relentless pursuit of that unattainable ideal, we often neglect the most crucial person in our lives—ourselves.
I spent a significant time trapped in this relentless cycle. Even when I was physically present with my children, my mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with other obligations. I was merely surviving, not thriving. My relationship with my spouse transformed into a partnership in responsibilities rather than a partnership in life. My career suffered, and I began to lose my passion. I felt like I was sinking, gaining weight, and questioning my purpose.
After years of running this exhausting race, I decided that finishing last was no longer acceptable. The stress I was inflicting upon myself was not serving my family or me. To be a better mother, wife, and friend, I needed to prioritize myself first. I had to reconnect with my identity and aspirations.
Recognizing the problem was the first step; I realized that only I could initiate change. So, I began prioritizing my own well-being, which, in turn, allowed me to better support my family. I discovered that my children were just as happy with fewer activities—one was enough. I established boundaries for my work hours, and when those were challenged, I sought a new job that aligned better with my life. Though I had to tap into my 401(k) during this transition, it proved worthwhile. I rekindled my relationship with my partner by instituting weekly movie nights after the kids went to bed. We began having sit-down dinners, leading to more meaningful conversations. It felt like a dream come true. I committed to working out two to three times a week, establishing a routine, and I even allowed myself guilt-free Sunday afternoon naps. Now, when I am with my family, I am fully present and genuinely enjoy our time together.
I understand that if you lack a solid support system or partner, making these changes can seem daunting. However, you might find neighbors or friends who are also in need of some “me” time. When my partner traveled for work, I collaborated with a neighbor facing similar challenges. We would take turns watching each other’s children and occasionally prepare extra meals to ease each other’s burdens. Simply sharing a glass of wine while our kids played together provided much-needed relief.
Small steps can lead to significant changes in your life. Once you begin implementing these adjustments, prioritizing yourself becomes easier. Nurturing your own needs will only enhance your ability to be a caring mother, wife, and friend. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else, and it is within your reach. Start choosing yourself.
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Summary:
Motherhood often leads to self-neglect, as societal pressures push mothers to prioritize their children above all else. Recognizing the importance of self-care is crucial for overall well-being. By making small changes, such as setting boundaries and nurturing relationships, mothers can create a more balanced life where they can be present and engaged with their families while also prioritizing their own needs.